Music,my rainbow

Monday, October 31, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

i realise dat im lyk a 球... be it 篮球，排球... all those 球 which require pumping...

its quite fun, i admit. to give me sum difficulties and see how i work my way ard dem... lyk dropping a ball.. den watching it bounce up. Whee. so farn! *claps hand in glee*

but do u noe, with each impact, i lose some energy? i lose some vitality? i lose some "air"? u dunno. u onli see how fun i drop. each time. and den immediately bounce right up. good.

but dun u try dat too many times. u may find dat there might be once, dat u drop me, but u dun see me bounce up. anymore.

now dats farney.

HAHA.

©~jUn²珺☆

Sunday, October 30, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

i envy piglet and winnie for being so good friends... sigh~~~

"are we going to be friends forever?" asked piglet.
"even longer," pooh answered.

"promise me you'll never forget me because if i thought you would i'd never leave."

"it isn't much fun for One but Two can stick together."

hmmz... just wanna let u ppl noe this:

ONCE MAJUN'S FRIEND, ALWAYS MAJUN'S FRIEND. NO MATTER WHAT.

Saturday, October 29, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

someone: majun, r u ok?

我: shld i say yes?

我的良心: NO! dats lying...

我: but if i say no, they oso cant help me wad...

我的良心: but... but~~~

我: hmmz... so therefore, i say YES...

我的良心: mummy says we shldnt lie..

我: so u suggest wad i say?

我的良心: ...

我: ok dat does it...

我: yup, im fine!

©~jUn²珺☆

i guess u just dun miss me... i guess nobudi does... who cares abt puny majun aniwae... majun sux.

stuck at home wif sore throat... weiyi... ur choco hai de>< haha... no lah... i think i shout too much too... hmmz so shall stay quiet now, the way everyone lyk s me to... quiet.. so i wun bother dem. sigh. im reali such a failure.

hate chinese... bleagh got so much to study... trying to slack, but den i ll nag at myself to study again... stress...

遗忘过去是最快的方法，对吗？ok. 谁要拿棒子打我的头啊，那我就可以像 dang ou 那样设么也不记得了...

怀念过去的我...

Friday, October 28, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

yesterday was ur burfday... i walked all the way there to buy u a cake den walked 3 kopitiams trying to find rotiprata... hmmz still fuming abt da stoopid rotiprata guy who worked as if he had all da time in da world... bleagh... did u noe how i ran home? did u noe now i have 2 blisters from walking so far and fast? but did u even give me a smile? no. u lectured me to clean my room... argh...

i din ask for all your affection... just a few crumbs tossed from the whole cake and i ll be satisfied. why is everyone treating me this way? i dun think i deserve this...

is it so hard to care for me?

Thursday, October 27, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

我好像越来越懦弱，越来越让我瞧不起我自己... 好讨厌这种感觉哦..

我不想再在人群中做一位陌生人了... i hate this feeling of being a stranger among people when i noe everyone there...

it seems lyk i just dont fit in anymore... i hate the quarantine. i dun hv the xin qing to study, neither do i fit into any conversation... i ll onli manage to cut 2 sentences in before im cut out again... u may say dat i hv a lot of mood swings... but dats becuz i dun show my emotions. haha... u think u noe me? u still gotta lot to learn... i trusted you wif my heart... and u torn it to pieces like the many before you... hmmz... n im supposed to trust another person? fat hope...

am using the new wallet... not dat new lah... da one amanda bought for us from shenyang... haha... and eunice said dat the gurl on da wallet looks lyk naima... hmmz... wad da... ok nvm... but i do lyk it... its lyk in sepia>< and yea thx zhang ma n bernice! nice nice ppl... who care for me=D *beams*

haha thx weiyi for da choco... hmmz all my fats are showing... as usual... but they seem a bit more huh... bad><>< haha... i luv jie jie...

>< fat hope lah though... hmmz haha... satistics show dat u hv spoken 1 sentence to me this week... wow... dats an improvement to da big fat 0 of last week's...

who am i kidding.

i hate myself even more.

原来爱恨情仇都只会带来无尽的悲哀和绝望。

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

nearly cried today again... hmmz shld keep my emotions in check... bring tissue everywhere... >< but reali i dun fit in animore... i dun feel dat feeling le...

wrote a letter for you. but just dun hv the courage to give it to u. we r not toking... haha mebbe i shld just bury dat letter in my heart. along wif everything else... right where it belongs. cuz its of the past. which will nv cum back...

haha but i miss it...

Monday, October 24, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

tian yu:

"我记得他，

他却不记得我。

这样我很痛苦。

我想把戒指和他的回忆一起扔了。"

我又何尝不想啊...

i hate majun. majun is a naive idiot.

Sunday, October 23, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

Your Birthdate: August 12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.
You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Saturday, October 22, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

today marks a finality... 409 of 2005 is now history and is locked within a chamber of our hearts known as "memories"... this chamber is huge... contains all dat we hv had... but im sure thru the ages u will forget and some of the memories will disappear, making space for more memories you gather... but...
10yrs down the road
will u rmbr the trips we had to coro?
the trips we had to kap?
the trips we had to 6th avenue?
the trips we had to west mall?
the trips we had to j8...
the days we had together?
will u rmbr the class?
will u still rmbr me...

haha but dun worry, dun doubt me. i shall nv forget u...

你冷漠的表情让我伤透了心...

Thursday, October 20, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

I LURV WANG ZI BIAN QING WA

haha...

shan jun hao/ dangou is v nice!!! n shuai!!! n cute!!! >< haha amused

den VERI amused wif dawei.... hurhurhur... so ke ai neh!

den lyk zheng zhe haha always wear weird ties...

xu ziqian oso cutecutecute

and the jin zhi mama veri ke ai>< always tok alot...

and tian yu too>< luvs the show totally

Wednesday, October 19, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

humans are hypocritical things... shuo yi tao, que zuo yi tao... say dat wad we're doing is harming the earth, but are still continuing in our endeavors... say dat fuel sources are running out, but still spending tonnes of fuel to bring people to space for day trips... i mean, wads dat for?

if you cannot live up to ur promises, den dun make those empty promises. u nv noe how hurt someone might be if u dun fulfil dat promise. dun make promises at any whim or whimsy.. other people, unlike U might take it seriously. dun give me hope, bringing me up to the skies, den destroy all dats ard me and let me fall to hell. ur cruel. and this is wad ur promises gave me. ALL UR PROMISES. u dun mean wad u say. but yet u say it. HATE U.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

hmmz.. was toking to wini online dat day... she said i was sceptical... was thinking abt it. mebbe its true... im just veri bitter about it... haha... wini is so nice! haha mebbe we had the same experience of being er... yup.. n many times at dat... hmmz. haha I LUV WINI! can see her again on fri... cant wait... ><

haha just now in the lift there was this guy ard 14/15... den suddenly he went "poot" den i was lyk... ERM THIS IS A LIFT CAN YOU LYK WAIT UNTIL UR OUTSIDE DEN U LET OUT EXCESS GAS. hmmpz... bu wei ta ren zuo xiang... sob... poor poor me den. =P

boo! rmbr hor... the vcd help me borrow... hmmz n i think u shld tok to her. both of us can see dat she still cares, so why not be friends again... since u hv the chance, grab it... if not, i think u will hou hui... i ll jump at such a chance loh>< yao ba wo hao ji hui, bu yao rang ta liu zou...

and U! xing! take care hor... must inform me the result as soon u get it ok>< take care... hope everything s fine!

and weiyi arh... ask me not to be sad... den ur blog n ur nick all so sad.. i thot u said u xiang tong le? call me to tok if u wan ok... dun keep everything inside... its not a good feeling...

Sunday, October 16, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

dang ou: 你相信真爱吗?

tian yu: 我相信!

dang ou: 为什么?

tian yu: 因为相信比较幸福...

i agree, u noe. n i hope dat its true.

Friday, October 14, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

its over. 2 years. just liddat. today s dat last day of sch... haha so unreal...

1 month plus ago, i cried for one week. one WEEK. den i ran out of tears. i became numb. i was unable to cry for 1 whole month... den today, marilyn n xiaohui broke thru n i cried. haha once i started, i couldnt stop... n i dragged vivian along to cry... at least the class was lyk half empty by den... haiz... we stopped den suyi sang huidaoguoqu... haha and dat made our tears overflow the banks again... haiz... we cried. lao tian ye ye zai wei wo men er ku... haha it almost flooded the entire school..

i luv vivian... crying on her shoulder is most comfy=D haha find an wei in each other><

记忆深处的美好星空还刻着你的微笑
数不清多少夜晚她在你手心的记号
轻轻靠在我怀抱闻你发丝淡淡的味道
怀念我们曾经多么单纯的美好
过去的美好我想有一天
我们都能忘掉想你的星空下
星星不再闪耀我想我知道
眼泪的味道曾经付出的每一天每一年
我不曾想逃我想我知道
眼泪的味道曾经付出的每一天每一年
我不曾想逃受伤的翅膀
总有一天会慢慢慢慢的变好
能飞得更高当失去你的依靠
don't wanna miss you
逝去的不能再留住只是过往每个画面
都成为我们的束缚对爱情的无助
我想我知道眼泪的味道

went cafe wadeva wif viv sui xich hui mare ber... but its a diff feeling from last time... so diff... and so long nv go le. the last time was? dunno. *sighs in contentment* the little malay boy in my block just gave me a fly kiss>< so sweet... SO long since ANYONE gave me a flykiss... *rmbrs wif bliss=D* haha...

its over... gone... nv to cum back... n i miss it... a lot... i hate time... wu qing de shi jian, cong wo shen bian piao guo.

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯时间在旁闷不吭声寂寞下手毫无分寸
不懂得轻重之分沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看著凌晨黄昏你的身影失去平衡慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端无法存活在真实的空间
想回到过去试著抱你在怀里羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界,想在你梦的画面
祇要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜想回到过去试著让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧这样挽留不知还来不来得及想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡著回忆播放盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁

Thursday, October 13, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

i shall nv regret my choice in sec 2 end of year to appeal to com2... yup i appealed in. duncha noe... haha... n this is a great decision! i luv every inch of my class... except the dust bunnies yup... n luv each n everyone in my class n the trs... (ok there r exceptions but yea... lyk a certain t*y n a certain c*a*g n a certain p*nd*... hmmz) haha u all hv given me great memories i ll store in my heart, lock it there and throw away the key, so dat it may stay wif me forever... i hope dat we wont lose contact... as in not just onli see each other lyk twice a year during CNY n Trs day... oh theres da taking results but its diff... hmmz. ok nvm... yup just wanna say I LUV U, 409!

YI DING YAO MAI MEI MEI DE AUTOGRAPH BOOK GEI NI MEN XIE!

its ok to fall
but rmbr to stand up

im just tired
let me sit down for a while
n i ll be up n running
soon
when u decide dat its time
to...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

only 2 more days. dats all we hv. can u just pretend dat things were fine n u were my friend again? theres no possibility of dat happening is there. haha though im naive, im not dat stoopid. was looking thru the fotos n rmbred the days. it was too good to be true wasnt it. haha im stupid lah. i thot things would stay dat way. time has proven me wrong. time n again. TOO MANY times. im sick of this. lets count how many times has this happened. hmmz 4 times when in pri sch my friends (cuz dere were 4 of dem) split wif me after gg sec sch. den once in sec1. den twice in sec 2. thats abt it. yup haha ONLI 7 times. i shld be glad its not more. i shld just rid myself of my heart. mebbe den, this wun happen. mebbe i just shldnt hv friends n keep to myself. build a barrier or a moat ard myself. numbed wif pain. waddya noe. u dun care.

things fade wif time. lets hope it does. time heals all wounds.

haha. lyk i believe wad i say.

i said dat to you right. but now i cant do it myself.

i cant do wad i preach.

im a hypocrite.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

ur so cruel. u dun even let me hv the memories. lyk a virus busted my com and all my things disappeared. including ALL my photos. i reali yu ku wu lei loh. cuz i onli hv dat one copy. n its my treasured file, containing the fotos of all my friends n family. yup. n its gone. so now i dun even hv memories to rely on. GREAT.

i shld hv known from the start dat dat was too good to be true. who would wan to be good friends wif ME. im so naive.

and jennifer, i dun hv the pikachu face><

cheresa cheer up! u still see her everyday for the rest of ur life, so there will be a chance to wan hui wad has happened. things will be fine=D

©~jUn²珺☆

im so pissed at the world. why is it dat good ppl are nv rewarded or at the least recognised for their effort, while THOSE ppl get all the wadevas. OH WADEVA.

i feel 不值 for those " 燃烧自己，照亮他人"的人. i mean no budi notices their efforts to make others shine. and when other s do shine or benefit, they forget abt those who burned for them. yup. they r just NOT appreciated. n i hate dat feeling of dem not getting wad they deserve.

u might feel dat class clowns are the most confident of ppl and do not doubt themselves abt anything, yet i noe dat its the class clowns of every generation that feels the most 空虚 deep inside. they struggle to mask their own loneliness by seeming happy in front of ohter ppl, but who noes the fears dat they hide underneath and the tears they shed in the privacy of their own rooms? haha nobudi noes, n nobudi tries to find out, cuz it dusen matter to dem. class clowns r meant to be farney. entertain u. when they outlive their value, they ll be ignore. just lyk me. i doubt many ppl would remember me a few years down the road. least of dem you. you would probably just forget me the instant im gone.

on second thoughts, mebbe u ve already forgotten me.

who noes.

Monday, October 10, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

happy burfday kia mian! (yesterday)

and you too! WINI! my beloved lift-the-wini snr! looking forward to celebrating to you! (TODAY!)

Saturday, October 08, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

its nice to be appreciated=D thx yuxing n kia mian=D yup U better learn from them. im not gg to be the fool again n sms.

im NV going to bake another cake. even if it cums from a cake mixture. hmmz... i sat n stared at the cake thru the microwave glass for half n hour. hmmz... my eyes still hurt thinking abt it. so ma fan... bleagh...

so continue. continue. im very amused. ok. u win. liao bu qi loh. xing2 arh. wo shu le. wo bu yao zai guan le. wo hen ni.

u lied again. i hate myself for believing in you time and again. and i hate you for taking my trust and care for you for granted and lying again. i dunt think you reali did it intentionally. but you dont think before you say and dont care abt wad i would feel if i found dat you lied. you say im sensitive, but i ll rather be sensitive den be lyk u, so INsensitive u dunt care even if you see me crying. did u noe how much you hurt me wif wad u say, wad u promised? u nv did wad u promised. im a fool for thinking dat u cared. mebbe i nv existed in your heart. ok scratch dat. i nv did.

im sry yuxing for wad i said. i reali shld treasure those ard me who care right? ppl lyk u. daphne. xizhi. zhangwei. yup and lots more. haha yuxing, i LUV U! u were there. u cared. u ventured where nobudi else has ever stepped upon. results dun matter. u ll still have a firm place within my heart. yup.

and YOU dont worry. she wun do dat. she s ur family. she does care. mebbe she just shows it in a diff manner. lyk my mum who shows her concern by scolding me for 1 hour. =P not nice, but it warms me to noe dat she cares so much to waste all her saliva on me. yup. u wait n see. she ll be the most heartbroken cuz u r sad.

life throws difficult things at us. i nv expected this friendship to end so abruptly, wif us not even toking. and i din even START this. i nv expected us to lose the 'B' cup last year. i nv expected myself to lose to her this year. i nv expected a lot of things that happened. but dat certainly din stop them from happening. we hv to learn to adapt. i take a long time to adapt. im a slow learner. i need u. i need ur shlder to cry into. but ur not there. u broke ur promise. once again.

just ignore me. cuz i nv resided in ur heart before.

咫尺天涯

我知道不能只活在记忆之中，但记忆不会瞬间消失。所以...

神明啊,你饶了我吧。

haiz.

i hate myself for being so weak. today a grasshopper landed on me. i dunno mebbe its the fright plus the 委屈 that has been kept under control for too long. i cried in school. AGAIN. i dunno. but i dun feel recovered. mebbe it dusen count cuz its induced by dat disgusting grasshopper. and my fingers r still trembling frm dat encounter.

aniwae thx ber for being there.
thx zhang ma, esp for drawing on my face.
thx xich!
thx daph!
thx chau ting=D

haha its over.

time that has past, will never cum back.- my compo today.

only hope dat u will lyk dat.

hope u will be happy.

SO WAD IF I NV BAKED A CAKE FOR UR BURFDAY? i made daddy a omelette dint i? i sew dat cross stitch for urs right? i painstakingly drew dat for fathers day dint i? so Y CANT I BAKE A CAKE?! u hv to right. U nv cared when i was sad. you onli cared abt my results. U din care dat i got good results for sciences tt everybudi was praising. U onli cared abt my humanities and u chose to ignore my hard work dat was poured into the studying. haha. u lyk her dun care much less even if i were dead.

©~jUn²珺☆

im a fool=D n i take pride in it.

im reali amazed at how easily you can ignore me, see thru me as if i was made of air and den tok to sum1 nxt to me when i was pointedly toking to you. this is all over. wan le. yup i guessed it the day tt i received that. mebbe dats y i cried so hard that whole week haha. i started planning this lyk how many weeks before... i think lyk 2 days after my burfday. when everything was ok. i wanted to make it special for you. but now i think no matter wad i do, its not gonna touch you. but nvm im still a fool=D haha now i dun hv the right to be by ur side but i ll still wish you all the best.

i ve forgotten how to cry. mebbe my tear glands are immune. mebbe my brain is spoiled. mebbe my effector neurons are not working. mebbe im numbed. haha. but i think the day i rmbr how to cry would be the day i fully recover.

i miss you.

©~jUn²珺☆

haha entertained myself wif myself being literal, as ting ting put it... i say things lyk "rolls eyes" & "stares in wonder" & "cries in desperation". haha =D so cute right... dots... so i shall cont to do that to entertain ppl=D hehz

shld just be nice and not put dat to my msn nick (totally not linked to the previous para). reali tempted to do dat. haha. im mean. majun is a meanie! but i realised dat im quite clever to think of these =D yea majun is a clever meanie! hohoho

haha im sick wif wad ur doing. can u tell me wad u wan to do? im sick of tiptoeing ard u as if u wld blow up any moment. hur so now we cant even be normal class mates? i mean u dun look at me in the eye, u dun tok to me, u dun answer me. the onli thing u do is to ignore me. haha i mean yea. wheres this gonna lead to? i m just disgusting. i nv had a good friend that lasted more den 1 year wifout a quarrel breaking off everything. i hate myself for being so irritating. i mean im just the filth off the walls. sigh

can i believe wad u say? dunnoe. cant tok to you. dun hv the courage animore. i get the face den my courage and ego diminishes by a bit. den everyday how many times... haiz. now i dun even dare to sms u le. cuz i dun wan to wait idiotically by the phone for you to reply, while a small part of my brain is telling me dat u definitely wunt reply. den 5 hours later, i give up trying to wait for ur sms and i go to slp, praying dat u will reply. the 2nd morning, i dread looking at my phone. cuz i m quite sure dat u wun reply, but i force myself to look. wow. aint i smart. u din. haha den my heart drops a few notches... i keep telling myself i shldnt do this to myself animore... my heart is lyk dropping into my shoes le. but i just cant help it. you used to care. i just dun wan to believe dat u dun now. im in rejection of the idea. im scared of losing.

me
weak
loser
foresaken
lost
in despair
thinking about U

最近不哭了.
是坚强了?
还是immune了?

happy children's day

i noe i told u dat i ll try hard to be happy. yup. shall do dat too. but its just dat i dun feel lyk i belong anywhere now... lyk last time i used to think dat i belonged when i was wif u. great friends. but now i feel oddly separated. lyk there are layers of buffering btw me n ppl. and esp btw me n u. so wad m i supposed to do. im not happy. memories r hard to live on. i mean i can just dwell in memories everyday. u shld be happy. cuz im letting go. aniwae, u din leave me a choice in the first place. i hate myself for being so weak.

©~jUn²珺☆

If one day you feel like crying...
Call me.
I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you
If one day you want to run away--
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop...
But I can run with you
If one day you don't want to listen
to anyone...
Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet.
But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.