Music,my rainbow

Friday, September 30, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

you don't need to pretend,
nor do you need to act;
as though you care,
as though you give damn.

don't give me that fake smile,
it's not gonna help.
don't ask me if i'm okay,
you jolly well know i'm not.

don't pretend anymore,
don't hurt me anymore,
don't torture me anymore,
stop lying to me,
its like me,
living in this world of lies.

but after all;
you gave me a before.
so should i thank you,
for acting like you cared?
or should i hate you,
for pretending like you cared?

Thursday, September 29, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

oops wachel i think u passed ur flu to me! sob i REALI not feeling well... dun wanna go lesson 2molo... sob... aiya nvm..

I LUV CHEM! and its not just becuz of i luv chem... ><

to U! if u reali wanna go RJ or HC right, den dun go another JC for the first 3 months cuz its VERI hard to catch up with studies... and im sure u CAN get in loh... the school wants u..

4/9 go HC larh! or i ll miss u! REALI! aiya if onli me n xiao hui in HC den reali lonly loh... sob...

©~jUn²珺☆

you tell me:
-dun think too much into things
-rely on wad u noe is true
-believe in myself

i tell you:
-dun trust wad u see on the surface cuz it might not be the truth

do a few more of wad u said, n i ll be able to wan quan si xin n give up. so u cont jia you ing n u ll be rid of me soon. shall make an effort to put correct date today...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

星光 by S.H.E

e:上帝布置的悲伤和分配的阳光
你和我是否一样
s:拥抱同一种信仰我忽然有预感
我们会是彼此的星探
h:也许是你笑的蝗跟我很像
也许是因为守护的星座和我一样
e:也许是漫长的黑夜特别孤单
才会背靠着背一起等天亮
a:黑夜如果不黑暗美梦又何必向往
h:破晓会是坚持的人最後获得的奖赏
a:黑夜如果太黑暗我们就闭上眼看
s:希望若不熄灭就会亮(酿)成心中的星光
h:黑夜如果不黑暗美梦又何必向往
破晓会是坚持的人最後获得的奖赏
s:黑夜如果太黑暗我们就闭上眼看
希望若不熄灭就会亮(酿)成心中的星光

new fav song! haha now chu qu hei an zhuang tai... but i trust dat one day light will reign over darkness as it always has! yea im so philosophical!!! ><

haha so proud of my sciences... my hist oso not bad... just dat for prelims A math n ss killed me... as usual... haiz... MUST BUCK UP... yup...

deep feeling of rejection. bah!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

hur so harpey wid my bio... reali din expect to get a A1 much less a 84-A1>< haha... chem too=D 87!!! so harpey... but still need 1 for phys and at least 36 for hist... which is quite impossible... still sobs...

to u: dun worry im sure things will work out fine... u all still care for each other. of dat im sure... =D jia you... cont being harpey=D

as i saw u all walking away, i could reali feel the distance btw us growing... u noe dat e mail i sent? the hole in my heart from that nail u banged in, has already healed over time. but the gaping hole u left in my heart ,becuz of u ignoring me now, is hard to heal. i dun get how u can just distance ur self liddat n dun care n ignore wad i say. to think dat last week tuesday, i was so happy becuz i thot everything was alright, cuz u gave me a SMILE. wad a idiot i m. haha a smile from u n i was happy the whole day cuz i thot that things would be fine. but things cant be worse. wad jc will u go to? RJ? HC? prob RJ. so dat u can put more dist btw us right. yup. wish u all the best.

Monday, September 26, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

thx daph=D thx xing=D i noe i shld reali just dun care. but i dunno... mebbe its just me loh... thx for caring even though u all oso not in tip top condition=D heh... yea feel so luved=D har... im sure things will work out.. sum how.. or mebbe we ll get thru it=D

有失必有得

im lyk in no position to comment cuz i dunno wad happened, and i cant even take care of myself, but thru this i noe dat hving sumbudi 's shoulder when sth happens is impt n REALI consoling, so yup, anibudi need a shoulder, can cum to ME! heh

aiya... i must at least get a1 for both phys n bio for a CHANCE to get a single digit L1R5... bOOHoO! not possible... sob. haiz...

yup. thx for peiing wo today. u din hv to, but u stayed. thx. n sry for not being able to find marks to add for u... but u ll get to ur dream jc larh...

we hv onli hv less den 2 mths left together.

Sunday, September 25, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

in a fit of anger, i did all the sums of the a math pp this morning n i realised dat i could do everything. so yea. nothing to say.

went bugis wif my parents today. REALI wanted dat orange coloured op shorts but my mum say not nice n REFUSED to buy for me. but i REALI REALI WANT IT! shall save up for it... haiz tried to buy tong's sunglasses... den realised dat its either too ex, or its children one. found this REALI CUTE PAIR... but was disney den its lyk hyper small... poor tong... looks lyk ur gonna wait a while for urs... hmmz... shld be gg to buy 2molo... haha

so wad do u wan? is it ur hp bu zai ni zhe li or sth cuz i ask u how many times le. n theres NO reaction. i mean im sick of waiting for smses. i stare at my phone for hours on end, but it dusen ring. mebbe i shld send it for repairs. haha. yup. so when r u gonna realise dat u missed at least 4 smses from me? haha mebbe nv.

my foot reali pain. sob. cant walk properly... whu wan to be my guai zhang 2molo? for me to depend on? i reali CMI anymore. depression.

Saturday, September 24, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

sumtimes i reali wonder, y shld i put on a brave front. its not as if im reali feeling thus inside, but i always try to show a happy face. i mean even if i joke ard, i dusen mean im happy. but when my face droops, it means dat i cant control it any longer. but u dun notice. haha ok whu am i to u to ask for u to notice. ok it dusen matter.

i was reali near to breaking up n crying yesterday, but haha i realised dat my self restraint has becum stronger. i can survive longer being extra now=D yea... haha

so utterly disappointed wif myself. y did i fall into this state. knew i wasnt in the right state of mind when i did the papers, but still... din expect myself to reali flunk dem this bad. so yea. i reali hate u.

Friday, September 23, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

haha got the "worst days of my life" and today was darn near the top of the list. haha ask me y? haha who will.

today got back eng b3, ok, ss 29/50 which is sh*t, a math b3. O_O wadeva happened to me? my a math dropped from a 1 to a 2 to a 3. nxt time i noe it ill be getting a 7. OH WADEVa. everyone s saying "oh u got DSA jiu bu yong dan xing le loh, results dou bu matter le. relak le larh. shuang loh... aiya u fail everything oso nvm one..." im lyk so hurt larh... i mean so wad if i got DSA i can go HC. i mean the marks dun matter to U but i DOES TO ME! i mean im reali devastated n if u feel dat way, i cant do anything abt it.

den during DAT paper, thanks for ignoring me while i sat behind u, dunno wad to do. i mean ERM can u at least SMILE?! is it so hard to smile at me? i mean REALI... dun be so mian qiang.

n thx kaiyi arh.=P

den colours award ceremony, stomachache happened again. couldnt even walk properly. n they say i look dumb on stage. HARLOE I WAS TRYING TO REN THE PAIN. haha so yea. den in the end, still hv to look interestedly at the stage n clap when ppl received it onstage, n rmbr how i lost to dat eunice wee my chance at a 3rd west zone colours award, a chance at pesta sukan 2005 and national colours award. oh hell.

hope dat prelim results will be lyk midyrs liddat... first day bad results, den after dat den ok results... i REALI WAN SINGLE DIGIT L1R5!

reali breaking down. n this time, u won be there to help me up. yup. miss those days.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

知足

五月天

怎么去拥有一道彩虹

怎么去拥抱一夏天的风

天上的星星笑地上的人

总是不能懂不能知道足够

如果我爱上你的笑容

要怎么收藏要怎么拥有

如果你快乐不是为我

会不会放手其实才是拥

有当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空

为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动

终于你身影消失在人海尽头

才发现笑着哭最痛

那天你和我那个山丘

那样的唱着那一年的歌

那样的回忆那么足够

足够我天天都品尝着寂寞

才发现笑着哭最痛wo…

如果你快乐再不是为我

知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

©~jUn²珺☆

曾几何时，那种以前我们视以为然的感觉消失了呢？
there was this feeling dat we were friends,
we were pals,
i could tell u anithing n vice versa,
we could tok abt anything,
u cared abt me,
n i abt u.
but now,
the feeling s gone.
disappeared without a trace.
is this meant to be?

MEextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRAextraEXTRA
veri extra. dun belong here. y cant things just be lyk b4.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

sob cant load my tag board=( *cries*

but today was harpey in sch=D cuz of U! UUUUUUUUUU. hurhur

2molo playing V BALL WIF KIA XICH SU-E N PPL! so harpey...

but currently dying... lookat my phys den u noe le larh... do oso dunno how. wrong oso dunno y.. SOBS WHO CAN HELP ME! GIMME A CALL BA!

2molo ALL my worries will be over. ok mostly... i think... haiz... im a WORRY WART!

Monday, September 19, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

bOO! congrats to all the ppl who got west zone colours award! and ESP to those who got national colours lyk AMANDA! my beluved partner XIAO HUI! and CYNTHIA and TAMSYN who i noe got into dsa wif me!=D heh aiya but i ll be so extra lah... i din realise dat by taking the team award, it means dat i sit alone there wif reps from diff schools... sob... how could u do this to me! ME! im so cute! ni zhe me she de! sobz... nothing else to say le... just dun lyk u. u sabo me. u landed me in this situation. bleagh.

haiz... most prob flunked bio... sobs... now hv to depend on physics which is highly undependable... dun lyk the tr who set the paper... sobs... ok i shall lyk dem a lot. ONLI IF THEY MODIFY OUR MARKS! ADD 10 LARH... TR S ALL VERY CHIO... haha as if it would work...

looking forward to the 1130 on wed when we will be officially jie fang le! heh... den can go play vball! yea i lamed su-E out wif my "linner"! haha but why can ppl hv brunch (breakfast+lunch) and i can hv "linner" (lunch+dinner)? makes no sense u see... so conclusion: majun is SO CLEVER! =D end of story haha...

i hate humans u noe. humans are imperfect. humans hv que dians. its just dat mine r magnified by dat. so wad. im not gonna tok abt this animore. shall focus on my prelims. i mean wad else is there to do if there is no response? oh wadEVA.

Saturday, September 17, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

can u pls tell me 是否可能恢复原状? i wan to stop thinking abt this le. i wan to stop guessing wad r u all thinking... is there a possibility that we could go back to wad we were before? if not, den can u tell me? 我不想再痴痴的等待了... im tired... pls gimme a definite ans. ive been trying u noe. but ur not helping me...

but den, u all seem so harpey... without me to fan u... so yea... continue to be harpey n ignore me... haha...

Friday, September 16, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

cramps are awful... anibudi pls find a way to cure my cramps... i hate dat doctor... nv gimme anyway to cure it except go for dat scan... haha i nv go.. oops... mebbe its not the docs fault den... haiya... math shld be ok laRh... if not ok den i can go die le... sob... yup and chi zuo wen... hope wad hanyan said is not veri true or mebbe e tr can be more lenient cuz i cant imagine the consequences if she reali gets onli liddat marks...

i wan go ice skating... wanted to go even more now dat they r showing pride... sobs... wans to fell the ice... ppl, lets go ice skating on the day after exams! lets go!!! who wan s to go!

我真是个白痴：
事实明明已经摆在我面前了，
可是我还在傻傻地等奇迹的出现。
也许奇迹真的不会再发生在我的身上了吧，
但我这个白痴还在等...

yup its not dat i dun tok wif u. u dun wanna tok to me. im not sure whether u din hear me, or u chose to ignore me. but all the same, im hurt. when is this gonna continue until. i cant take much of this. lets go out. lets tok. lets not play the "lets ignore ma jun game". im sad.

Thursday, September 15, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

miss those days in the freezer... wif the frozen meat n frozen vegetable n stuffs... now... quarantined from the freezer... and im dumped into the arctic sea... dun feel zi zai here... lyk this... hope that i am able to find my way back... lyk nemo did... mebbe i ll be lucky...

now can onli pia for history...

and bio...

and physics...

sob...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

rachel ting ting n wanting say i look lyk cat... bleagh... but nvm i luv cats... cats r cute=D lyk my fei mao and all my kitty fotos... =D so ke ai neh! haha beware ting ting... cuz me lyk s to eat rabbits n hamsters! haha

u say we re ok... but we re still ignoring each other. if dat s called ok den wad is ok... yup... im still waiting for u all to find me if things are ok. cuz im not gonna initiate toking to you all... after wad u all said... i dun dare to initiate toking animore. so if u guys dun tok. we re gonna be stuck in this situation forever. yup. just wanna tell u dat. mebbe u will nv even read this. so nvm. this sucks.

im still cramping... stoopid. cramped thru a math again... geked. wad eva...

©~jUn²珺☆

heard this on hong yi shou ji... haiz... haha
不论发生什么事情
太阳一样回从东边升起
地球一样回转动
天安们一样会有人升旗
no wonder wad happens, ppl still live on... haiz

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆

haha nice summary for chi today. i bet u were thinking abt it too. nice nice trs wadeva. WHY DID U HV TO CHOOSE THIS FOR PRELIM. out of the dunno wad 10000000000 topics u hv to choose this. argh. nvm

cramped today again... thruout e entire papers... sob.. was hunched in pain but couldnt do anything. haiya. den now mummy say hv to rest... sob... theres nothing i can do LOH... panadol dusen work on me... at all... argh.

mummy said i was stinky... *sulks* den i went to buy deodorant... shall spray everyday until she say i smell nice. bleagh...

still got a lotta papers. dunno wad to do aiya...

we onli hv 2 more mths 2geth... den we will ge fen dong xi le. u still wanna chill? haha. i thot we were cool enuff le. yea. chilled.

heard this song again dat day... felt as if the person was singing to me... yup... singing out my feelings. so whu is gonna be dat person who pei wo zou yi hui?

当你孤单会想起谁
你的心情总在飞
什么事都想去追
想抓住一点安慰
你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊
你最害怕孤单的滋味
你的心那么脆
一碰就会碎经不起一点风吹
你的身边总是要许多人陪
你最害怕每天的天黑
但是天总会黑
人总要离别
谁也不能永远陪谁
而孤单的滋味
谁都要面对
不只是你我会感觉到疲惫
当你孤单你会想起谁
你想不想找个人来陪
你的快乐伤悲
只有我能体会
让我再陪你走一回

just sum other nice songs=D

牙关 (chorus)
如果你爱过我
你不会就这样走
就这样丢下我
和那些天真承诺
如果我再也不
不能再更多的承受
痛哭之后却又咬紧牙关

牡丹江（VERI NICE SONG!!! MUST LISTEN!!!）
南拳妈妈

弯成一弯的桥梁倒映在这湖面上
你从那头瞧这看月光下一轮美满
青石板的老街上你我走过的地方
那段斑驳的砖墙如今到底啥模样
到不了的都叫做远方
回不去的名字叫家乡
呜~谁在门外唱那首牡丹江
我聆听感伤你声音悠扬
风铃摇晃清脆响
江边的小村庄午睡般安祥
谁在门外唱那首牡丹江
我脚步轻响走向你身旁
思念的光透进窗
银白色的温暖洒在儿时的床
牡丹江弯了几个弯小鱼儿甭上船咱们不稀罕
捞月亮张网补星光给爷爷下酒喝一碗家乡
牡丹江弯了几个弯小虾米甭靠岸咱们没空装
捞月亮张网补星光给姥姥熬汤喝一碗家乡

yea since u hv decided this, i shall abide by wad u hv decided. yea wad more can i do. yup. im good at acting.

yea thx weiyi=D ur reali sweet.

thx qian... ur nice too!

thx XING! lurv u dunno wad i might hv done wifout u...

thx weiteng... for peiing wo qu lib even though u obviously din wan to go... n sry i wasnt good company...

u told me that u will treasure the last few months we hv together. but is wad ur doing now treasuring? i dun think so. unless u spoke to fu yan wo, or u spoke for the fun of it & u din mean it, or u own a diff dictionary from normal ppl. or do u rmbr dat u said that in the first place? haha so farney.

u got nothing to say to me. u got no xing qing to laff at my jokes but u can joke wif anibudi else. u dunno wad to say to me. so wad am i supposed to do? act invisible? or have u already lessened my load and treat me as invisible.

and im supposed to study for prelims with this on my mind. bullshit. teach me how to shut this out from my mind.

yea. so u dun hv to reply me. u dun hv to ans me. im invisible. everything i say everything i do is a source of irritation to u? am i dat irritating until u shun me. so yea. nothing else to say. i cant just act blind, act mute, act deaf, act DUMB. i dun hv to, im already dumb, right. ok nice.

yadda yadda... keep telling me.. y u stop...

so wad if im sensitive. so wad if im irritating...

SO WAD if sum1 from ny got no hp. SO WAD if she onli gets $100 for a month including travelling expenses n stuff and she can still save? SO? wad has it got to do wif ME?

yea u tell me im sensitive, everybudi tells me im sensitive, but do u noe y im sensitive? u noe wad circumstances make me sensitive? u dun. no budi does.

nvm. slp cant for consecutive 3 days. also, dun dare to slp. noticed dat u 2 black moods. might quarrel n fight. dun wan history to repeat itself. cant slp. everytime i close my eyes i think of wad u wrote. so yea. im supposed to be happy becuz u wrote wad u feel? oh sry, i missed the "happy" cue. so u can just write liddat and send to me and ask me to read it. so wad am i supposed to ans? or im not supposed to do anything?

u say dat u dunno wad to say to me liao le. so wad am i supposed to do? hide from u? avoid u? will u be happy den? i think today proved to me dat u ll be happy if i dun bother u... dun force u to think so hard to find sth to say to me. yea mebbe dats it.

fevering again. they say im facing stress, dats y will fever n sore throat n all dat... OH WOW i recognise an understatement... not bad. STRESS... onli orh.. how i wish. u. them. study for prelims. plus sick. and dat onli makes stress? wow... who taught u dat.

breaking down. falling apart... n this time, ur not there to pick me up.

thx to mum n dad who stood by me.

thx to xing who felt indignant for me.

thx to my family for being so understanding.

today sux.

1) fever 37.5
2) bad cough n sore throat. now i cant tok. i croak.
3) flu... sneezing often. and its NOT sum1 thinking of me.
and a lot more.

why did i hv to go. why did i * it. hate it

conversation wif MYSELF; im reali gg cuckoo

feimao: stop acting as if u dun care. cuz i noe u do. but if it hurts dat much, den try to block them out.
majun: u think i dun try to isit... but cant... i even dream abt...
feimao: u drool on me when u slp... slp so much piggo... im lyk totally wet nowadays...
majun: not my fault mah... cant control...
feimao: i noe u cried again... just now
majun: sry... was cutting onions for my mum...
feimao: ==
majun: sry laRh wad do u expect me to say?
feimao: ok nvm... cheer up exams are here le... must study hard neh...
majun: will one laRh... just confused now... also feel outcasted from society... no contact wif frenz...
feimao: dun worry. u ll always hv me... i think...
majun: yup. feimao luRvs me and i luRv feimao...
feimao: who ever said anything abt luRving U... O_O
majun: hey... ... ...

ok nvm. laming myself... haha noone to tok to i tok to myself! i got multi-personality disorder!!! my alter personality is feimao! my fat cat plushie... ok who am i kidding... sob. GRR grits teeth... TOK TO ME.

©~jUn²珺☆

conversation wif MYSELF; im reali gg cuckoo

its hard to find good friends,
but i found you."

realised dat all the times for my posts are wrong... GRR... ya chi yang yang...

haiz... no mood to study... spending most of my time slacking n listening to music... destined to flunk my prelims... esp my a math... SIGH... sad...

hope u will tok to me. feel lonely... haha was listening to Mr. lonely... ok dots. i diao myself. no wonder so many ppl diao me. boohoo... oohoob...

©~jUn²珺☆

cant tok now... got sore throat + flu... mebbe its for the better... dun need to zhuang long zuo ya now... alreadi a ya ba...

also, zhuang feng mai sha also veri xing ku... mebbe i shld just quit...

outcast

felt SO out today laRh... shldnt hv gone at all... haiz... dunno y i went summore...

everything i said either went ignored or diaoed lah. wadeva. heh...

nvm watched miracle n a tale of 2 sisters... diao, ghost stories BoRiNg... haiz... ok nvm...

shall study hard. block out all else. u jia you too.

"you have found a place within me,
where only you can hurt me."