Wednesday, August 31, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
你伤害了我
还一笑而过
你爱的贪婪
我爱的懦弱
眼泪流过回忆是多余的
只怪自己爱你所有的错
©~jUn²珺☆
was traumatised many times today...=(
first kristie tay told us dat our eng was... sumwhere down da drain... den i was lyk sob sob sob...
den after eating, when we were proceeding to da hall, i was toking wif eva n weiyi, den yanghan saw me. she was lyk"u r a basketballer arh!" i was lyk O_O...
HARLOE I TRAINED WIF U FOR 8 MONTHS LE & U ASK ME WHETHER IM A BBALLER?! ARGH... sad sad sad... where do i look lyk a bballer huh?
1) i cant dribble
2) i cant shoot
3) i got no stamina
4) i got no >180 degrees vision
5) i cant multitask
the onli things i hv is lyk da weird weird shou shi dat weiyi says i hv... sad sad sad... and perhaps my height is an advantage or sth... why does judo get all da weird weird sec 1s... dots...
den in da hall while watching da performance, a bee landed btw me n kia n jayce n daisy... den da stoopid bee caused everyone to lyk ostracise me larh... grrr... den cynthia had the brilliant idea of flicking the bee and it landed beneath my skirt... i swear i hv NV moved so fast before... thx arh! gggggrrrrrrrrrr
things ma jun is scared of:
1) friends angry at me
2) lonliness
3) being publicly humiliated
4) INSECTS.
tankew beli much.
grr...
& things are still not well btw us... so WADEVA. i shldnt care less. mebbe shld just concentrate on my studies lyk xing said. argh.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
boo! haha
*screams in delight*
ok im entertaining myself... hmmz mebbe dats y im so good at entertaining myself, cuz no one entertains me...
*boohoo~~~*
haha had english today... eng was ok lah... the compre was XIAO... oh man... think i most prob flunked it... depending on my vocab n summary le... sob sob sob...
wanted to go P.S... den realised so far away... den onli got jayce n cynthia... den i would be very extra... haha so went westmall wif yingxu n shizhen... spend A LOT OF MONEY buying presents... currently very broke... sobsobsob... HOW....
haiz... shld study hard for my prelims... u ppl jia you too...
stop reading my blog=D tag finish jiu qu du shu ba!!!
Monday, August 29, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
haha phys pract most lykly screwed... i got lyk 9.07 for gravitational acc lah... which is supposed to be ard 9.8 sth de... *cries in desperation* even though hc will want me no matter wad my prelim results, but still... diu lian leh...
argh... today was fun aniwae... haha
ni shang hai le wo, wo yi xiao er guo... freaked vv out today=D shld try dat more often... haha ate A LOT at coro today... bursting as i write this... haha=D so much fun... haiz... still wondering how am i gg to bring the pasta to sch on wed... oh nvm... mebbe my dad will be home to fetch me there...
***
mebbe i just hv e 天煞孤星ming... cuz evertime im getting close to hving a good fren, or hv a good fren, sth always happens... to cause a change in the relationship... HATE IT MAN... argh... my frenz shld realy noe
如果我的坚强任性会不小心伤害了你你能不能温柔提醒我虽然心太急更害怕错过你cuz its realy true lah... i cant... aiya im not a loner. cant stand being alone. being wifout frens is lyk killing me loh. so yea. hope u guys noe.
aniwae thx tong for ur entire TREE haha=D i ll plant it in a pot as soon as i can find one=D haha
harpey... must be harpey...
Sunday, August 28, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
harpey...
shall stay harpey for all those who care.
ok im harpey=D
Saturday, August 27, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
"why shld i reply to wad majun says, she not worth a thing to me. anyone else in this world is worth much more den her."
haha, yea, why shld u reply to wad i say? i mean, he s so much more precious to u den me. 16 years hai bi bu shang his 7 years. proves to me dat im a failure. wad abt u? nvm, sum1 else is more impt, definitely.
haha ppl say "zhen jin bu pa huo lian" but im not sure wad we had is even solid.
unsure n scared.
©~jUn²珺☆
勇气
歌手：梁静茹
终于做了这个决定别人怎么说我不理只要你也一样的肯定我愿意天涯海角都随你去我知道一切不容易我的心一直温习说服自己最怕你忽然说要放弃爱真的需要勇气来面对流言蜚语只要你一个眼神肯定我的爱就有意义我们都需要勇气去相信会在一起人潮拥挤我能感觉你放在我手心里你的真心如果我的坚强任性会不小心伤害了你你能不能温柔提醒我虽然心太急更害怕错过你yup im well le... just hope dat things will be back to normal le... lets just forget that this period of time existed ok? haha thx to xing xing , wei wei an and a lot of ppl, im happy go lucky again=D... qi shi xiang tong le jiu mei shi le mah... but i must tell all my frenz abt yong qi da last 4 lines. i reali mean it. u all must tell me or else, i will cont to be irritating. ok nvm, i LUV THIS SONG!!! n i luv everyone.
©~jUn²珺☆
haha even my family shuns me. so wad if he got 2 full marks and on 37 upon 40 for his exams? u all dun hv to treat me as if i was invisible. and squeeze me to the side of the table and just tok to him... oh wad eva he s so wonderful and im nothing. nvm
Friday, August 26, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
i wan everything to go back to before i told u everything.
wo xi wang hai lai de ji.
Thursday, August 25, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
im irritating.
ppl hate me.
daphne n xizhi say i shld be happy.
but there s not much to be happy abt.
i dunno.
u made me feel dat way.
©~jUn²珺☆
dun believe wad ppl say
cuz if they dun do as they say
u ll be da one getting hurt.
haha u totally forgot abt wad u told me. i thot u were so sweet to offer. den in da end. everything was just for show. haha u forgot abt wad u said to me. haha but did u care? do u care dat im hurt? did u even realise dat im hurt because of wad u did? nope. i can say for sure dat u dunno. mebbe u dun even noe dat im toking abt u... mebbe u ll nv even bother to come and read this. so wadeva. but did u noe dat i was crying when u told me dat im... nope u din. so... wadeva. i hate u.
did u noe dat a heart can be broken so many times until it cannot heal and be pieced back together? not even with super glue? of cuz u din... cuz dats wad u did to mine.
had bio pract today. ok lah... just dat was quite disgusted wif da yeast. luckily i had blocked nose den couldnt smell anything. aiya... dunno how i counted so many bubbles.... shou mang jiao luan ing today loh... den i was lyk writing writing den i saw sth green flashing from da corner of my eye... den i realise is cheresa squash all da w32 into da measuring cylinder den couldnt cum out den she was shaking dem out. == er.... cute gurl. overall i think its ok lah... i think bio pract most difficule, followed by physics den chem which is da easiest=D i luv all sciences=D
lets all jiayou togth for prelims and Os=D den u all can go WHICHEVER schools u all want to. you zhi zhe shi jing cheng. gd luck!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
dunno wad ur thinking
dunno wad ur doing
dunno y u wan to hurt me
dunno y u do this to me
argh. just tell me wad u think! n stop making me guess and making me feel lyk a idiot being dissed by eveyone. thx i appretiate it
Tuesday, August 23, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
haiz... stoopid... just wasted my afternoon when im supposed to study... nvm i had fun=D
conclusion after today:
BBALLERS CANT PLAY VBALL AT ALL.and this time its not overgeneralisation. haha=D
qian is so cute=D kick ball can shoe fly den ball roll one.
kia is so cute=D play bball can become cooked lobster colour one... nonono, her colour is red PLUS BLACK= purple... haha weird colour... but its true...
weiyi is so cute=D haha SO scared when she see any snr... and can get deodorant sprayed into her eyes one=D
cassandra is so cute=D onli noe how to catch ball... jump quite high summore=D
xing, must be happy ok=D i care a lot, even if she dusen care. u noe dat im always here.weiteng can slp wif eyes open, and standing up one somemore... this morning walk into sch wif hanyan, den see her. she was lyk = wan quan mei you biao qing... den later before assembly, i saw her again, she was lyk =D den i was lyk O_O shui xing larh... haha so cute=D
everyone is cute=D ESP ME!!!
haha... ok shld go study now....
Saturday, August 20, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
nightmare pls dun cum true
do i hv a best fren? haha i dunno... i used to think i dah one at least... but time proved me wrong time and again... mebbe its onli i zi zuo duo qing and think dat way... haha i m so naive... shld nt believe in dose things again le.. its just dat im scared of being alone.
i had da nightmare again.. i thot i had outlived it alreadi... but it came back... most prob triggered by wad happened after 3.2 run yester... dat kind of aloneness... helplessness...
at suntec.
exhibition hall 40 dunno wad.
scv sxhibition.
i was 9.
daddy asked me to go get sum souvenier i wanted alone.
i went.
den i realised i ran too fast.
couldnt see my family at all.
i ran around for 10mins.
heart plummeting, beating painfully.
couldnt hear couldnt see properly.
finally, i gave up.
i walked to the counter n told dem i was separated from my family.
this kind girl led me to behind da stage where ppl were performing.
den she asked me to sit down den she asked me abt my name n etc.
i told her.
was told to sit while they announced.
she promised me dat my parents would be here shortly.
wait.
wait.
wait.
i could hear each annoucement clearly.
hoping dat they would be here very fast.
i was numb wif fright.
questions kept flashing in my mind.
wad if they already went home, cuz they couldnt find me?wad if they cant hear the announcement whereever they are?wad if they dun care abt me, and dint even realise dat i was gone?wad if im just left here, even after the exhibition is over? where will i go den?will they come for me?after one hour, i couldnt take the aloneness animore.
i sobbed in e plastic chair.
could not stop crying.
the big sister gave me a pen wif soap water to blow soap bubbles.
tried to keep me from crying.
i just continued to cry.
and cry.
finally, 2 hours later, they found me there.
u wouldnt guess how relieved i was.
i wasnt abandoned.
2 hours of alonesness.dat felt lyk 2 milleniums.
haha i think dat counts as a childhood trauma...
it has been on my mind more and more frequently these few days... because of the aloneness i feel... yea... is there anyway for this feeling to just disappear? dunno... mebbe if sumone rescues me from it... haha. who will? dunno...
©~jUn²珺☆
today was er ok
bad things dat happened today:
1) i got pissed again... even though i said i wunt... and oso for a lotta times summore.
2) i got dissed and shunned by ppl again... am i dat irritating?
3) very tired, onli got 37th for 3.2 run...
4) ran after 93 den when we reached den realised report at 330 not 300... geked
5) got stitch, both ankles pain, breathing difficulties and stomach ache during the run...
good things dat happened today:
1) played vball for 2.5 hrs overall...
2) got amused by cheresa, wachel, jayce, cynthia, anying and qian dey all... so amused... still laffing now...
3) da 3.2 run felt quite fast... reali leh... den din reali feel tired... until da last part dat is...
4) er succeeded in getting myself unpissed... for 3 out of 4 times... fourth time, jiu dun work le...
so overall, today was ok... not dat bad...
but i still hate being shunned... even though u said dat it was because... oso, im sry if i irritated u again... there was no one else i could tok to... so i could onli cling onto u all... im REALI afraid of being alone... so i clung onto anione i could... im sry... mebbe i shld just learn from wad yuxing said... and... nvm...
i reali wan to dun care... but i cant... and everytime i care, i just get more and more hurt because of ur "i dun care attitude". i dunnoe wad to do... mebbe i shld just let all of us drift apart... dunno...
aiya... nvm... haha lets think of happy things... i lyk da sec 1 shirt! lime green is so much nicer den our orange loh... i feel lyk 1 BIG orange... shirt was hanging off me... aiya... oh and qian qian, cassandra and eva so hyper today... lyk xiao... glad dat u all played a good game... da de hong hong lie lie, ying de ming zhi shi gui=D so happy for u all=D
luv u.
Friday, August 19, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
xing
haha no matter wad others do, yuxing is stilll the one who reali cares a lot... she can reali tell when u r upset, even if u try reali hard to cover it up... and no one else realises... she s great i luv her... and xing even if i dun mention u, u noe dat i still luv u a lot and i care a lot... thx for all u ve done... cuz i noe u care...
Thursday, August 18, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
haha i realised dat michelle is quite sweet.
these 2 days, everytime im not feeling cheerful, or is walking alone, she ll walk faster and cum up to walk wif me. even if she trys to make me realise dat she s there by hitting me on e head wif her ss text book... haha im touched... so mebbe im not e onli molester ard...
haha cynthia is nice too... i dunnoe is she wanted to pei wo as i was alone or she wanted to play da stoopid game... but i still felt happy cuz sumone tried to pei wo... haha
today was ok... er quite cold... just dat lessons are boring... i reali think dat she cant teach... my a math is slipping down even more lah... dunno wad happened... sad case larh...
argh... haha and weiteng cant tag... poor poor her haha... hmmz... use sum other com ba... or bring ur com to da doctors haha... ok nvm...
dun wanna run 2molo... mebbe can ask sumone to bish me or i go stand in da rain...
sob its not even raining now... kns.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
haha... today s timed trial was fun... haha we er discussd da qns...
heh sry kia abt leaving u there cuz i thot i shld help qian cuz my daddy arriving soon... im SRY!!! fu jin qing zui...
sry qian abt leaving u there but my daddy has to go pick up my bro... or else he ll be late... i can help u on friday u noe... reali i ll stay e entire after noon wif u if u wan=D
im so nice haha
argh i dunno wad came over me after eng lesson. i think its you again...
i realised dat if i walk alone, without toking to anyone, no one will tok to me. ok i realised dat a long time ago, but i kinda hoped dat things would change. but no matter how much i try to keep on a brave front, a happy face everday, i cant help but feel distressed. i shld control myself. wad happened today shld not happen again. NOT EVER.
argh.
mebbe i shld just be deaf, lyk beethoven, den i wont be able to hear ppl toking to me anyway, so if noone toks to me, it would be ok.
argh. wadeva. n im not a obsessed person. i ve given up on some things and some ppl already.
©~jUn²珺☆
no one cares
i realised dat its true.
no one cares for me lah.
everyone got someone else impt.
im not anyone impt in anyones life.
doncha think dat my life is just one big failure.
life is unfair.
and dont think dat u noe wad im toking abt.
u hv no inkling to wad im feeling now.
total dejection.
©~jUn²珺☆
i was happy
today had english Os oral... think i flunked it most prob but pray for a miracle dat e trs lyk wad i was toking abt... in other words, hope dat e tr lyks crap...
aniwae went to coro wif kia yuan suyi n cheresa... was happily eating away... heh joke n lame, e usual...
den once i went home, my happy spirits lost P.E and P.E became totally zero lah. lyk er they dun lyk me. they hate me. n i kinda reciprocate it. i think... always hu leng hu re lyk her liddat. wah lao wads happening to my life lah. it sux.
urgh
physics timed trial 2molo dun feel lyk studying for it. wadeva...
im sorry if i depressed u or irritated u... i cant help it if im such a failure. i cant control myself or prevent myself from being a source of irritation.
argh my hotline is open for anyone who need s sumone to tok to. but i dunno who to tok to now. i dun wan to tok to ppl actually i shall just sulk. mebbe if i brain wash myself it will be better. mebbe if im sick or sth den they will realise dat i realli do matter A LITTLE BIT to them. mebbe dat will be better. thx.
Monday, August 15, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
oops i realised i cant tag my own tag board!!! saddened...
haha yea weiteng hope u see this=D hehe im ur an lian zhe!
lyk anione believes liddat...
i still cant believe i got e same burfday as c___g t__i... SOB
©~jUn²珺☆
argh... do you noe wad u r doing is hurting me? toking to you takes a lotta courage. i dunnoe when will u give e irritated face or when will u dao me. dunnoe starting from when, my enthusiam has become ur source of irritation. i thot i was ur fren. now ur drifting away. im heartbroken u noe. i noe u lyk her more, but... argh mebbe i shld just giving up trying to cheer myself up, it dusen seem to work at all.
haiz... were you onli nice for dat day? dat fateful day onli? my burfday? den after dat, everything was back to normal... i reali dunno wad u think toking to u is saddening...
nvm
GREATEST THX TO
yuxing, weiteng, bernice, daphne, n zhiting for fei mao=D i luv fei mao, fei mao luvs me!
cynthia, n kia mian for e pencilcase, so pretty, just lyk us!
duo, n ever for e piggy=D
ting ting for e yellowing tooth=)
qian, n weiyi for my newest bottle!
shizhen, cheresa, zhangma, xiaomeng for e fabulously delicious cake!=D hehe
katrina for e candle... it stinks actually... heh ssry but its true...
and lots of ppl who rmbred my burfday!
u all made my 16th burfday more memorable and it ll stay engraved in my heart foreva=D
haha lurv u all.
Sunday, August 14, 2005 ©~jUn²珺☆
i hv a blog!!!
haha now i wun be extra=D heheh took me so long to try and make myself a blog... =D actually this is onli try ing first... see whether this works...
