wonderland

hello world

2010-11-13T17:17:00.002+08:00

spurred on by pings comment
ya its been a while since ive written anything

exams are over (:
and i am (i hope) officially 2/5th the way into medical school (:
assuming that i ve passed this exam :|
knew that med school would be tiring,
but the period leading up to exams was crazy
adrenaline kept me going i think
so immediately after exams were over, i crashed.
am writing this in bed even,
cuz all i ve felt is odynophagia, rhinitis and the runs.
whee.

lots of things have happened since i ve last posted this
and its an inevitable part of growing up
that you experience things, you gain some, you lose some
and at the end of the day, you change.
nobody remains static their whole life
and this being away from home is merely accelerating the changes
that i would have to experience anyway.

to learn more about what people expect from you
and how much to expect from people in general (very little that is)
what sort of person would make a true-er friend
and which are the ones you merely say hi bye and make 2 minute conversations with.
it never ceases to amaze me how much some people love me
like bec and mel. i dont really see much of them in school,
i dont talk much to them,
but at the end of the day, it really amazes me
how much concern they have for me
and how much love they shower on me.
and those always have a reserved spot in my heart.

this whole trip (is 2 years considered a "trip"?)
i ve learnt the hard way
that what you give,
is rarely what you get in return.
ideally you would give without hoping for anything in return
but for me, once i give in friendship,
it means i have taken you into my heart
and that unfortunately does mean some form of expectations,
like it or not.

mummy says all my friends are weirdos
(with reference to people here in oz, haha those in singapore are less weird apparently :P)
haha but i guess its hard for her to understand as well,
because, ultimately people are looking out for themselves,
too busy to see things around them.

ya there definitely exists people who go out of their way to help others
to make sure that everyone is well,
but those people, even when they are present,
are far outnumbered by those who take these people for granted,
who take advantage of these people.
sadly, yes i have become more cynical of people and their motivations
but after thinking the best of people all the time,
and realizing that it is not necessarily true,
wouldnt you too question your belief and take a peek from the other side?

oh wells,
i ll be fine.

anyway on the other hand, exams are finally over
clinicals start next year
dunno whether to feel excited or horrified.
looking at the amount of knowledge i have now,
im definitely more horrified than excited.
howwwwwwwwww on earth am i going to reach the level of competence required?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

other highlights of this holidays:
going to vellore, india! :)
going on a hospital attachment stint there
and they have regular weekend vacc camps in the rural areas
should be fun to see! :)
and maybe an attachment in TTSH as well ohwellz. :)

moving house is a pain in the butt
have never realized how much clothes i own till now
(revelation once a year :D) haha
should start selling some i dont wear off on ebay :P

shopping has been unrestrained this year
should stop soon.
but then again they re going markets tmr.
hee. i think i may buy something :P
maxi dresses are my new fav
cuz it hides hips well HAHA. oops.
i now own 3. no wait. 4. HAHA.
oops.

would be really heartbroken next year when people move away
why are the hospitals all spaced so far apart
and why ): why are my friends all leaving to the city ):

and and and.
thank you for being there :)

and since its nearing the end of the year,
a list of special people to be especially thankful for :D

anna.kevin.beow.bernard.tim(domo).yowie.kia.melvin.
for being there when i needed someone.
for knowing when i needed someone.
for being yourself and no one else :)

2010-05-09T13:23:00.000+08:00

every action you take
has a consequence
GROW UP
and learn to deal with it
and stop letting others
pick up the broken pieces.

of learning, growing up and changing

2010-04-17T08:57:00.003+08:00

someone mentioned to me recently that i ve changed
maybe he dint mean in it the sense that i feel i have
but i guess
duo duo shao shao
i have changed

well this change is associated with growing up,
and opening up my eyes to whats there in front of me
so im glad (:

there are somethings true friends dont do to each other
and if i ve changed as a result of that
its just because i have become smarter
no longer the dumb girl who does everything for everyone anymore

being a year 2 meddie!

2010-03-11T13:59:00.002+08:00

hi pings (:
haha my blog has long been dead, cuz cant really summon up the energy to revive it,
but since you asked (:

year 2 has been different
been dreading it for ages
not just leaving family
not about heavier workload
but knowing that things would be very much different
as compared to last time

but since im here
just make the most of it
like mommy says
im here to get an education
not here to play or socialize or what not
and i guess
ya know what is most important at this point to me

its been difficult settling in
probably because of the differences this year
everyone s living far away
and the distance does put a strain
no matter what people say
there are many times
"what ifs" came to mind
but those "what ifs" are not to be
so just settle in and see what happens?

i didnt expect year 2 to be the time for me to be more
open (?) i guess
to knowing other people
to step out of the singaporean group
and speak more to others.
in a sense, it is due to the situation as well
but it has been a great experience,
seeing how wonderful some people are
and realizing how narrow my vision has been.

insecurities stay
and they probably will stay for awhile
and emotions will still come into play
but i dare say
it will get better
and i will have to learn
dont i
that self-worth
is not dependent on what others think of you
you control your own selfworth
and if things you do 对得起天地良心
then i dont see why you should berate yourself
for what others do or say.

its also a chance to see
who they are.

actually i think writing about it
has cleared out my thoughts.

whee
school works been piling on,
but im actually very happy about that?
like what we re learning now is much more interesting
(apart from certain topics like health enhancement)
anatomy is thorax
its crazy to memorize everything
but its so interesting!
haha i guess thats what s keeping me going
starting on head and neck soon
=_= can foresee greater eyebags.
maybe i ll need "eyebras" like wen needs hurhur
): the poor med students
and more school work means less time to xiang duo duo

i reckon i ve got really good tutors too
anatomy
clinical skills
PBL
(: and i think tutors who know their stuff
are worth more than their weight in gold
thankful for them (:
and for good classmates!
omg. my PBL class is so smart
im going to peng.
haha nothing like a 3.5 hour PBL session to
get your adrenaline pumping for mugging

apart from school
signed up for gym and fitness classes
(: pretty cool stuff
pilates and aerobics hurhur
aerobics was really hiong though
dint expect it haha!
and went for a jiujitsu class with xuan
AH they have purple belt! no fair ):
haha. its really similar but with more restraining exercises? (armlocks etc)
and their way of training is different.
i miss trainings ):
and i miss the people i train with moree.
btw plans to join inline hockey failed once again
cuz ben xiao jie s luggage when coming over was 30 kg w/o the skates
on a 20kg luggage allowance.
ahwells. maybe just not meant to beeee.

even after saying year 2 is busy,
i think we can still find time to do other things
go to the gym, exercise, play
met up with the juniors yesterday
ah some of them are really adorable haha
and i can foresee future times where i will def get bullied
but ohwells.
me:"hi, im majun"
her/him:"OHHHH majun"
O_O what have people been saying about me.

get a life! (:
and support each other through all these times
(:

2010-01-24T00:20:00.002+08:00

why has it come to this?
who do i trust?
who do i confide in?

i miss just playing snapjack
without any worries in the world
like just now.

invictus anyone?
its NOT BORING!
i think.

要学聪明一点

2010-01-22T23:13:00.003+08:00

不要像以前那么笨，
别人说什么都信，
到头来只有自己被骗。
如果我这个朋友对你来说是可以取代的，
是不重要、随时可以忘记的，
那我宁愿不做你的朋友
不要因为你的爱理不理而受伤

为了朋友
我可以不顾一切
但如果我的一切，
只换来你的漠不关心
那你不值得我的付出吧

可能适应了就好了吧
现在看清一切
可别懵懵懂懂
被当成傻瓜还不知道

马珺真是个笨蛋
被耍了还不知道
还心甘情愿的受别人摆布

要学聪明一点
不要再上当了

majun

2010-01-06T22:29:00.003+08:00

is sick of this all
cant summon up energy to do stuff
and needs something to look forward to!
):

2009-12-25T19:42:00.000+08:00

actually actually actually i think
im starting to miss you.

and i really hate being in my shoes right now. ):

2009-12-22T09:55:00.004+08:00

sunday night went for the performance outside paragon by tommy's church
i really really really like the people at his church
the atmosphere there s like a huge family,
a place where people belong.
and i guess im pretty jealous of that fact
but really heartwarming (:
and worth being a lightbulb the entire night too.

dearest worm,
you say how i helped you through that tough period
but last night your letter
really pulled me through
(:
thanks worm.
wont have made it without you.

i keep being angry at other people
but what right do i have to be angry
when i dont know?
i think i should control my emotions.

speaking of which
everything has changed
since coming back to singapore
such that i dont know what to do anymore.

how true

2009-12-12T22:56:00.002+08:00

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
— Chuck Klosterman (Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story)

"Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less."
— Chuck Klosterman (Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto)

"People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they’d never admit in normal conversation."
— Chuck Klosterman

2009-12-10T16:07:00.002+08:00

"You'll Be In My Heart"

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

to find someone who knows me well enough
to know when i need this kind of ken ding

emo.tomato.potato.dorito.burrito.toes:D

2009-12-09T23:26:00.003+08:00

life really is hard sometimes eh.
luckily we re only living it through once.

were we close?
yea i thought so too.
asking hurt more than just letting it fester.
its funny how these things haunt you.
it just takes hold and doesnt let go.
even though you think you ve buried it and let it go.
so why am i still upset.
its making me someone i am not
and i hate myself every minute of the way.

luckily we only live once.

today i saw 4 girls on the MRT
comparing their slash wounds
to me it came as a shock that
being friends with each other
you would not look out for one another
and discourage each other from self harm
but instead compare it as you would battle scars
nothing should matter as much as your own body
and self mutilation only hurts yourself and people who care
i felt like slapping some sense into them
it just isnt right
its funny how some people just dont care

look at how im being judgemental though
they re inflicting harm on themselves
so that other people would notice
in the end it comes back to how others regard you
and how others treat you
and isnt that whats plaguing me now?
at the end of the day
even if im not using the same methods
arent my thoughts still the same as theirs?
"why dont they care?"

i think there s something wrong

2009-11-02T08:36:00.002+08:00

19 days to home!
but before getting home
1X3 hour paper, encompassing >200 lectures and another whole load of tutorials + dissections + labs + practicals, then
2 X daily OSCEs X_X dieeeeeeee
haha everyone s chionging now.
the past midnight
gathering to study at deakins.
haiz. team bonding sia.

dont make promises you cant keep
u might as well just ignore me.

你那么爱他-李胜杰

2009-10-30T05:46:00.002+08:00

直到爱消失你才懂得
去珍惜身边每个每好风景
只是他早已离去
直到你相逢
他早已经不在对你留恋
最后的你
开始了一段挣扎
你那么爱他
为什么不把他留下
为什么不说心里话
你深爱他
这是每个人都知道啊
你那么爱他
为什么不把他留下
是不是你有深爱的两个他
所以你不想再让自己无法自拔
直到爱消失你才懂得
去珍惜身边每个每好风景
只是他早已离去
直到你相逢
他早已经不在对你留恋
最后的你
开始了一段挣扎`````哦``````
你那么爱他
为什么不把他留下
为什么不说心里话
你深爱他
这是每个人都知道啊
你那么爱他
为什么不把他留下
是不是你有深爱的两个他
所以你不想再让自己无法自拔
哦~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

我一直以为是“她”而不是“他”
但是最近一直在听这首歌
这首歌也一直在心里重复

想家！
还有二十二天
就能回到家人的怀抱（：
能看见
“现在就想见到的人”

quotes times again (:

2009-10-16T17:52:00.001+08:00

Men are often bad, but babies never are

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another

“I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.” Douglas Feaver quotes

so cute (:

2009-10-01T20:43:00.001+08:00

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

-Elizabeth Kubler Ross

things to think about.

2009-09-13T16:35:00.003+08:00

"If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."
你会舍得吗？

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
做到那个境界时，才是真正的爱吧

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-Lao-Tzu
因为不一定会有回报

"Although our love is waning, let us stand by the lone border of the lake once more, together in that hour of gentleness. When the poor tired child, passion, falls asleep."
-William Butler Yeats
可能让我最感动的就是这一句
以后
当我们都老了
当热情淡去时，
我们之间还会剩下温柔吗？

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."
虽然每次都听别人说起
但是每次见到这句话，
都会有更深的一层体验
我们就是这样累积经验的吧

"He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals."
-Benjamin Franklin
但是那样会幸福吗？

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire."
-François De La Rochefoucauld
好美的一句话，
但是我们真的会有勇气
去相信他吗？

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet."
-Plato
我只负责唱哦

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life's realities."
-Dr. Seuss
想象是我的天堂

"Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway."
haha how simple and how true.
yet no-one subscribes to it.
because if you merely take that at the superficial levels,
ur not going to do anything with your life.

"Words. So innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them."
-Nathaniel Hawthorne
its only words
and words are all i have
to take your heart away
the same 26 letters. yet meanings differ so greatly.

"Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong?"
-Holly Near
because it does not make sense.
if what they did was wrong
why are we punishing them
by doing the same wrong they did?

close read UP

2009-09-07T19:18:00.003+08:00

i love movies that teach stuff
(disney movies DO teach stuff)
maybe its the habit retained from GREEN
but sometimes while watching all these
i tend to try and close read
why certain things are portrayed as that way in movies
UP is relatively easy to understand

and i think its really interesting how
different people
pick up different things from the same movie
dependent on the circumstances in their life,
their character and other factors.
its like during GREEN class,
we re all working on the same sources
but almost everyone came up with a different thesis
(or a pro-thesis that we had to shape up)
its amazing
and i wonder what others pick up from UP

to me
what really hit me was about letting go
mr frederickson (spelling not necessarily correct o_o)
and his house which spelt his attachment to Ellie.
(even knowing its fake and its a cartoon,
the devotion they showed to each other was touching~
and oh-so-sweet
i love soppy movies)
only when you truly let go, can you be set free
and only when you let go of the past,
then can you be able to move on and prepare for the future.

that really hit me cuz
i think for me
at this point in time
letting go about the past
is something i should really think about
not about letting go of my friends, nothing like that
but matters that have affected me and my mood
probably letting go would make me feel much better
(:
but i guess that ll have to wait for the right time
when like mr frederickson, i understand what the statement really means to me
that moment
will be when i can let go and be free!
like he was when he decided that the house wasnt everything that was left of him and ellie.

awwwwwwwww.
i love LOVE like that.
oh and i love pixar.
watch the clip at the start too!
*melts*
so heartwarming.

(: and i loved talking to mingxi yesterday night
i miss talking to people!
when are you guys free!
i ll call you!!! (:
i hate not catching up

new favorite piece of music :
River Flows in Your
(:

realize

2009-09-03T03:40:00.002+08:00

i dont know what im smiling about nowadays
but (: smiling is good isnt it (:

i want to run!
buy sport shoes preeze! :D

exams are over
not its time to urm go into
or rather try and go into
deep learners mode
thats why im up at 5
trying to read forearm
rahrahrah.
hope this works.
ohwells.

(:

i wanna schwim! :D
is $350 to get a open water cert worth it?
hmm.
(:
i want to seeeeeeeeeeee

all i want for christmas (australian edition)

2009-08-27T06:24:00.003+08:00

its winter now.
christmas.

i want my skates
i want my gi
i want my wilson
i want my family
i want my friends
i want my house
i want storybooks
i want to go to the zoo
i want to go ECP
i want to have picnic

so many i wants
but so little i gets.
AHHHHHHHHH
3 more months.

obstinacy

2009-08-26T18:40:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think i must be quite stubborn
to do things that i want to do my way.
MY WAY.

today i went for another interview
the address i took down was 423 XXX street
i planned the journey, planned the time
when i reached there, 423 XXX st was a house
._. stun.
no hospital.
call for help.
bus/tram journey took 40 mins.
ask.
nice lady along street says too far to walk but all the way down the road.
so
in rain
i walk
walk
walk
40 mins later,
i triumphantly turn up in front of the hospital
(: albeit with 5 blisters on my foot.
i dunno what kept me going then
when i couldnt find the hospital,
part of me wanted to give up
and just take the bus home sleep,
but another part of me said
i cant just waste my time,
i must finish what i came here to do, there s time anyways

now thinking back
quite glad i kept on
cuz the interview was interesting
and i managed to do all the shopping i needed.
slippers now :D
i think i walked at least 2 train stations.
oh wells (:

things really turned out for the best today
what i couldnt find at the glen,
i found at brighton
after the torturous journey to get there tho.
hmm exercise enough for today.

tmr wear slippers D:
obstinacy.

its been so long

2009-08-22T11:10:00.002+08:00

its been quite a while since i ve blogged
haha as you can see from people prodding my blog
i would have thought that noone s interested in what im doing
but anyways these two days have been quite a hurdle to cross

starting with the nagging pain in my metatarsophalangeal joint
yep i love that word love how its so long
and it has 7 syllables in it (i hope. its been a while since i did math)
but anyways in human (meaning non med student) terms,
its the joint that is the ball of your foot
the one that you balance and walk on and do everything on basically
its been bothering me abit
now plus the pain in my back
it prodded me to go see a doctor
(i still hvnt seen a doctor for my gastric pains. remind me later)
well. i have to say
that monash would have to employ some doctors actually trained in clinical skills
and for breaking any sort of news
cuz he took one look at my joint + poked at it abit
and announced that i had arthritis of that joint

well pardon my limited medical knowledge at this point
but to me arthritis still sounds like something that only older people have
when their joints are creaking and need some oiling
but no he said that to me.
that my hyaline cartilage at the joint has probably been worn thinner such that there is inflammation now causing that pain.
he warns me
you have to keep off it for 2 weeks
if the pain persists
we have to take an x-ray
(and prepare for it)
you may not be able to do high intensity sports again
.
at that point in time
i was just too stunned to do much
i mean
sport to me
since stepping onto the dojo as a blur disillusioned (whywhywhy did i choose judo) secondary 1 kid
has become part of my life
i function because i exercise
being told that i cant run, was kind of like 晴天霹雳
i didnt know how to respond
and i think i was probably in shock and not yet absorbed that fact

i went on to tell him about my back pain
which he pronounced as sciatica
it amuses me to no end that
sciatica was the topic i was supposed to present on
for anatomy class just after that appointment.
wow.
talk about apt.
but yea. he said again keep off it.
i have weak back muscles (really???)
and printed an information sheet for me
which consists of MOST OF THE FLOOR EXERCISES I DO EVERYWEEK
pardon me while i laugh at the absurdity of this.
oh wells. i take the information sheet.

i was fine, telling my friend about the encounter
then i decide to call my mom and tell her.
once the dial tone rang
reality sank in
the fact that i may be unable to run
may be unable to do high intensity sport
really hit me
before my mother even picked up the phone
i had started to sob
i think i freaked her out again
i think just by me being overseas, i have added extra wrinkles to my mommy s face
for her worrying about me, being sick, being stressed, exams etcetcetc
and with the added fact that i call home crying everytime something happens
i hate to do that
but sometimes really
all i want to do is to crawl into mommy s arms and cry
because i just feel so helpless here
away from my comfort zone, away from home
i dont even know where my comfort zone is
but its definitely not here in this foreign place.

mommy tried to reassure me,
telling me the doctor is a POS and that he was probably trying to scare me
and over exaggerated the degree
inside i was still ...
but for her, i reassured her that i felt better.

i thought i was better. i really did.
but walking to class 5 minutes later,
feli asked me what was wrong,
and i just broke down on the path.
again.
i think i scared her and kevin too.
again i cried, i felt better, i reassured myself
but after class, after i met tim,
the tears came anew.
somehow they just dont stop.
i felt better after talking
but there s still a nagging voice at the back of my head
going 200km/hour

i am scared. i think.
of being "less that what is me"
if i cant run, cant skate, cant do judo, cant play sports anymore
i dunno
time would tell?

on a side note, last night we went to a talk
by a neurosurgeon
or rather by THE neurosurgeon, the director of neurosurgery at the Alfred
and the talk really inspired me again
told me how all this sitting at the table studying
isnt just for passing the exam
its like mindfulness,
relaxation is just a side effect, not the ultimate aim
passing the exam would just be a bonus,
not the ultimate aim
i would want to be a competent doctor,
not just a booksmart one
and to achieve your dream,
you would have to put in hard work
and to achieve your dream,
you would have to find chances for yourself
not be afraid of failing

dont be afraid of failing
be afraid instead
of giving up hope
of giving up what you have been working towards
thats what i got from the talk

look at him,
he s been everywhere
germany, edinburgh, pittsburg, sydney, adelaide, singapore, melbourne
just for his dream
the many changes
the many stressors him and his family must have faced
for him to have undertaken this journey
to reach where he is now
he wasnt afraid to dream
neither was he afraid of taking chances
and i think thats what i should learn
it should be time
that i take the responsibility onto myself
to pro-actively seek my dream
instead of waiting for it to come to me
because
dreams are to be pursued.
(:

yay i ended on a happier note.

mommy knows best

2009-07-03T23:28:00.002+08:00

true? yes
the first time she saw
she knew who the one was

i know she s right
most of the time
but
sometimes i guess
another person is needed
to put things into perspective

i think after talking about it
i kind of let go

friends should be there to pick you up
and not there to push you down
i guess thats a change in my definition of friendship
and i hope that definition would stay true for all the friends i keep
from now on

why create troubles for yourself
live, let live
and be happy
dont let others affect you
ying wei ni zhi de

now i know
friendship is not measured by the amount of time spent together
but rather by how much you are willing to put into the relationship
and how much the other is willing to invest as well
and this scale cant be tipped
cuz someone will still get hurt

relationships are so complicated
i should just be a hermit crab

2009-07-01T13:38:00.001+08:00

when i tell others
they are quite incredulous
about the exclusiveness
but i guess they dont understand the full implications
and why i am quite so hurt
mayhap somethings only people involved would understand
haha
sometimes im really quite disgusted at myself.
ah well.

2009-06-10T14:48:00.002+08:00

cant wait to go back to you
to lean on your shoulder
just let go and cry
cry out all my grievances
cry out all my troubles
soon. soon.

:D

2009-06-08T10:04:00.001+08:00

why the sudden change?
reading too much SMART and BASK behavioural change?
been studying
i hope
but watching drama and nua-ing more of the time
i kind of like my vespa group :D
okay fine i like my vespa group
haha cuz tonight there s cabonara! :D

hope bernard has had a fun time at his birthday
haha. i had fun planning though!
im running out of creative juices~
and STOP LAUGHING AT MEEEEE D':

going home in 17 days!!!!!
CANT WAITTTTTT~
dontwantdontwantdontwanttobequarantined

2009-05-29T10:03:00.002+08:00

found this treasure in minxun s blog
haha chuahaha s school!
read it.
thought inspiring and
made me cry (surprise surprise. what doesnt make me cry)
but.
what he says is really true.
if ur doing what you love what you want what you always wanted
then what is the point of doing it?
love someone. because the loving makes you a better person
being loved requires no effort on your part
but loving someone means everything to you.
and that loving will never be fruitless or pointless even if the person doesnt love you back.
read it.
love it.
cry.

love,
majun

This is Adrian Tan’s speech at the convocation of students at the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information (NTU).
Adrian Tan is a litigation partner at Drew & Napier LLC.

LIFE AND HOW TO SURVIVE IT

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address.
It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation.
I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one.
She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living.
She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator.
Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are.
I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home.
That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men:
when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life.
Some of you may already be married.
Some of you may never be married.
Some of you will be married.
Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process”
and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on.
You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers.
Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest?
They are in the business of learning, after all.
Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone.
That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties.
People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people.
But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy.
We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long.
We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless.
There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup.
Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years.
Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go.
Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old.
Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation.
They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this.
Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average.
And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family.
You are told that, as graduates,
you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you.
And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people.
I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them.

And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it.
Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it.
Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment.
Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies.
Just live. Your life is over as of today.
At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look.
This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you?
It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free.
Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do.
By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills.
The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork.
That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways.
If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left.
A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary.
You will meet people working at miserable jobs.
They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not.
They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free.
The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps.
Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort.
You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play.
Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again.
You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often.
Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator.
I enjoy it and I would do it for free.
If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do?
You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard.
By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do.
In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions.
By this time you should know what your obsessions are.
If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession.

Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm.
If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication.
To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth.
I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things.
The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth.
Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating.
There is also great skill.
Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences.
It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it.
That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth.
I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you?
Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many.
That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated.
In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions.
It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions.
Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average.
That cannot be your role.
There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself.
Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”.
That requires too much compromise.
If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being.
It may seem odd for me to tell you this.
You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false.

Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings.
It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise.
Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance.
It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits.
There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness.
In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way.
We learn the truth worthlessness of material things.
We celebrate being human.
Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person.
Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor.
It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming.
It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated.
You are not doing it to be loved back.
Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone.
You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology.
It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You’re going to have a busy life.
Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.

2009-05-27T20:42:00.002+08:00

its been getting progressively harder to smile
but messages from people
asking me when i ll be back
asking me where i wanna go when i get back
makes me :D:D:D so much more
thank you people for making it so much easier
knowing that i have people who love and miss me back in singapore
its tiding me over these rough periods of time.

went mad shopping today
=_= spent 200 dollars
and only 2 of it was on myself =_=

2009-05-24T17:45:00.003+08:00

thanks for feeding ducks today
for feeding goosie fang and mayjune
thanks for the talk last night
thanks for nua-ing last night
thanks people(:

feeling helpless.
what can i do?
helplesssssss

the things you resort to escape from work

2009-05-20T17:01:00.002+08:00

yay im blogging more
if not just for the sole purpose of
doing something
when im supposed to do work
case commmm D':
sigh. when will i ever get around to doing it? failllllll

SO HAPPY FOR XIAOHUIIIIIII
YAYYYYYYYY
LICENSEEEEEEEEEE
I GET CAR RIDEEEEEEEE (:
lets go out when im back
*wink*
hvnt been so excited in ages! hahaha
yay
seeing them on webcam today
made me want to eat
tian ji zhou
HAHA. sorry kahpoh

oh happy day(:

2009-05-19T18:32:00.003+08:00

yayyyyy im so happy today!
some kind soul picked up my key
and passed it to monash sport(:
saved me $101 to replace the lock haha
shall stop being little miss scatterbrain
but (: whee happppppy
i sprinted all the way back from monash sport cuz of the endorphin rush hurhurhur
and im still happy so im making red bean soup again! hahaha
yayyyy i practically banged down feli s door
and screamed into tim s phone
and spammed people s msn!!! (: (: (: hehe.
sehr happy :D
oh and i did my laundry
fresh clean xiang sheets LOVEEE

and IM SO HAPPY FOR TOMMY!!!
im probably very lag
but its expected
i mean
im down under
and i dont get "news"
they re probably "olds" when they get to me anyway
but REALLY REALLY HAPPY FOR YOUUUUUU
make sure u do well (:
i ll hire you for my wedding photos nxt time kk
and when u make it famous i ll sell thomas and friends merchandise HAHA :D

BUY ME SOMETHING NICE FROM PHUKET
and i promise i wont get you the purple shirt :P
overhigh now to do work. sianz.
and i looooved last night s mass convo hahaha
sailormoon powerpuff girls anything
heh. chua and the carrot cake. hmph.
(:

i love talking to mommy(:
haha
缘分
i believe!

2009-05-18T18:53:00.002+08:00

feels oddly detached from the situation
as if im watching the drama unfurl from a third person's point of view
a badly acted out soap drama.
why cant you just go away?

oh and about the other drama im viewing
its kind of amusing.
and kind of heartbreaking.
oh well.

只是看故事的人
而不是写故事的人

2009-05-17T15:07:00.001+08:00

dont weaken my resolve
everytime i decide to do something about this
aaaaaaaaaagh

2009-05-17T10:52:00.002+08:00

i would want people to laugh at my funeral

感触良多

2009-05-15T19:06:00.003+08:00

i cant just keep hanging on
whats changed has changed
and i ve got to move on
原地踏步是行不通的
人还是要进步
要往前看的
是这样就
让它这样吧

总有一天
她会以其人之道还治其人之身的
我们走着瞧吧

还是开心一点好
我们天天去打篮球吧!

好想念以前中四时
每天午休都去礼堂里打排球的时光
那些时光
到底是回不去的了
那时的童真
也随着时间而流逝
我不想长大
长大后
那么多的烦恼
那么多的责任
人心险恶
为什么不能回到小时候那样
每个人都单单纯纯地过生活呢?
如此明争暗斗
获得会快乐吗?
真的是想不明白
可能有时还是单纯一点,
傻傻地过每一天
会比较开心
比较轻松

好想回到小时候...
没有这么多烦恼的时候...

那天保健课时
讲师说到
人活在这个世界上
应该有一个目标
要活得有意义
而不是懵懵懂懂地过每一天
他说的话
让我想起
记忆中,我小时候第一句我有映像的话
"我为什么在这里?我在这里有什么目的?要做些什么?"
这是当初第一个对我影响深刻的想法
至今我仍然不能准确地告诉自己
我到底活在这世界到底是为了要做些什么...
可能
某年某月某一天
我会发现我活在这世上的意义
在那儿之前
还是好好进我的本分,
珍惜身边的人
好好学习
充分利用我的时间

看着叔叔阿姨给我的卡片
"惜时如金"
果然如此吧...

别再为他流泪

2009-05-03T18:53:00.001+08:00

你走了太久一定很累
他错了不该你来面对
离开他就好就算了心情很干脆

他其实没有那么绝对
远一点你就看出真伪
离开他不等于你的世界会崩溃
转个弯你还能飞

就别再为他流泪
别再让他操控你的伤悲
就算有一点愚昧一点点后悔
也不要太狼狈
他不值得你的泪
把那遗憾留在大雨的街
你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追

以后为自己醉
以后管他是谁
每段感情都非常珍贵
他的好你就放在心扉
记得有个人曾让你那样的心醉

你笑了照亮夜幕的黑
什么梦都不比你的美
多少年以后想起他还有些体会
那些你已无所谓

别再为他流泪-
因为别人值得见到你的笑容

you and your emo pictures

2009-04-29T19:16:00.002+08:00

and you dont even know it

whee! its settled!
end exam on the 22nd and flying qantas on the 23rd! (:
arrives 620pm in singapore on the 23rd~!
just in time for yummy dinner from mommy :D:D:D
yay
krispy creme anyone?
can buy back hurhur

exams been kind of crap
haha last minute mugging
but activities have been fun

been finding that i want more "me" time
instead of "us" time
sometimes nua-ing in your room
isnt necessarily a bad thing
(:

cooking and baking skills improving :D
yay not bad eh hehe
i made banana chocolate urm muffin (?)
shortbread brownie
next project
raspberry cheesecake
or japanese cheesecake!
(:
and i want to learn how to make skirts! :D
hehe raid mel's sewing machine! :D

been thinking of getting a job
but lazy to apply for it haha
but should learn to be self sufficient
at least abit
the amount im spending is atrocious
looking at the school fees and hall fees and living expenses.
sigh.

runrunrun~!
run off those stubborn fats! D':
but running in 8/9 deg is really quite nice!
well if u dint know
on thursday the temperature was 3 in the morning
=_=
no goot
coldcoldcold
but everyone was jealous of my wen nuan pai scarf from puijin :D

jayjays doesnt have the cookiemonster/animals/domokun tees anymore!!!
RAH!!!
and i cant find nice havis either
=_=
must do shopping quickquick

have such a limited social circle here haha
i miss everyone back homeeeee
all the UFOs
teammates
79ers
just ed people
nus mates
LRG
sighhhhhhhhhh
59 days!!!!!!!

2009-04-05T16:03:00.003+08:00

eat and play
eat and play
eat and play
sleep
repeat cycle
everyday

sigh haha
had vespa today
abit of studying done(:

ooh and the threadless shirts are here!
i wuv my shirts :D
tmr s threadless day
everyone s gonna wear wear wear and take photos!
camwhore!
im spending too much money.
someone control me preeze.
sian. haha

haha EASTER BREAK SOON!
YAYYAYYAY high.
haha cook out pig out play out
(:
formative is so screwed.

i make goooot green bean souuuuuuuuup :D
yay. loveloves

and hwachong down under was fun haha
even tho we ended up playing charades concentration and polar bear in front of the state library
but company was good
and the feeling was there
speaking chinese
talking rubbish
laughing at each other
i guess there really is a different culture
even though people from different schools still get along great

foood was goooooot
ying thai green curry
freddos icecream
kaya toast from old town kopitiam
and the asian grocery at chinatown is now my new fav hangout
omg it has allllll the materials i need
i bot green bean red bean lotus seed KAYAAA
added to my sago and barley supply
make souuuuuuuuuup :D
dessert souppppps

i dont understand how come some people dont feel homesick at all
i miss my parents even though i call home almost everynight
and talk with daddy on msn video
sigh...

FLYING BACK IN JUNNNNNNE
booked tickets for 20th june
probably would have to change it
depending on the exam date
which they STILL hvnt told us
but FLYING BACK!!!
excited just thinking about it.
i want to buy ipod touch
its like 100 bucks cheaper than in singapore
and i heard if u buy can claim GST at airport
oh and anyone wants havaiana slippers?
its like half the price here. whee.
even though i think they re uber ugly. hmm

i like the smell and feel of laundry fresh from the dryer
i like looking at the red leaves in normanby
(dont ask me why only normanby has D': )
i like cooking/baking for people and looking at their smiles
i like the smell of fresh air in the morning
(not polluted! as much)
i like cuddling in bed with feimao at night
(especially since its so cold here)
i like making a hot cup of super cereal
and holding to warm my hands :D
tastes great!

2009-03-18T20:38:00.002+08:00

call me an idiot
but i still believe in fairy tale endings of happily-ever-after
and nothing people say would change that belief

ooooh i bought my elmo pullover!
20% off!
i loooooove chadstone summer sale (:

being sick in med school

2009-03-17T20:13:00.003+08:00

being sick in med school
instantly makes you the newest guinea pig
for clinical skills practice
"so what are your symptoms?"
going down the list
=_= thanks.
whee haha but quite cool right
local anaesthetic and lancing of abcess
whee sounds so zhai

thanks everyone for the concern and help and tolerance of my whiney-ness
i think the people who bore the brunt were felita chinswee tim and siyu
haha sorry.
im not at my best.

TIM MAKES THE BEST PASTAAAAAAAA
XUAN MAKES THE BEST DESSERTSSSSSS
AJIT... urm... cuts the best vegetables? HAHA

weekends AND weekdays in melbourne

2009-03-09T13:12:00.003+08:00

has kind of a cultural shock when it comes to going out here
the guys take almost too careful care of the girls here
the cold
the security
going on the trains
going back late at night
walking people back at night
making me so uptight about people walking alone on the whole
nah but its really touching how they look after us
ajit and his constant headcounting (lol siyu and xuanqi)
chinswee and his insistence that guys stand front and back
kevin and his looking out for stragglers
and jem and tim with their jacket throwing
if not siyu fang and felita would have frozen

had quite an exciting weekend
friday we ditched pubcrawl for meddies for dunno what reason
but i had a 1.5 hour one on one piano concert from xuan
so it more than made up for it
she played my favorites! esp canon LOVE
sat went shopping with xuan and benpoh
YAY winter jacket!
haha now i think benpoh no longer wants to shop with us
lol xuanqi and her leggings frenzy so that she can wear skirts
and our constant looking in kids section
and also chocolate omg haha
first time i see people stock up on chocolate in this way!
xuanqi! hahaha chocolate, hotchoc, cocoa gummies
wahhh. lol
missed the bible study thingum
but kevin cooked
so had a great tea of chicken soup dong fen

haha meals was suuuuuper zhai that day
breakfast: wendy s yoghurt
lunch: HUUUGE apple cinnamon muffin
tea: chicken soup dong fen
dinner: noodles at crown
wheee

haha nothing to do
so watched P.S i love you
kevin has a small woofer for goodness sake!
haha madness!
and the movie was great
abit draggy towards the end
and as expected i was flooding the pillow and feimao
with the kevin and chinswee laughing at me
ugh well nvm
but its really soooo sweeet and heartbreaking
(oh and we ate loads while watching too =_=)

saturday night was the first time i stepped into a casino
and the first time i went clubbing
so :D
the casino was great tho
felt seriously underdressed when there were people in evening gowns and their hair all done up
its really scary how the money changes hands
some may feel tempted to have a go
but for me
just watching is enough to give me the creeps
blackjack was the only one i understood
(haha thanks kahpoh/yongkeong)
and the exchange of chips was +_+
and i dint even recognize the denomination of the chips
you could become bankrupt or a millionaire overnight
but the latter is probably not as possible

ASEAN night at queensbridge hotel
when we went in at 1030 it was still super empty
with noone on the dance floor
it only started proper at about 12
by when i was X_X alr hur
drank half a small bottle of champagne?
not woozy but abit dizzy
but probably more due to the music than the alcohol
haha
but dancing was fun(:
cuz ur stuck in the middle
noone knows when u move awkwardly anyway
but it was fun to people watch too
people in uber-minis and towering 4 inch stilettos still managing to dance
fang labels them "seasoned clubbers"
which is definitely not us haha since i was in half inch boots
i dint mind the experience but the music was too overpowering bah i guess
but at least there was no smoking
when on the dance floor
i was actually thinking of gradnights
and when they cleared the tables for us to dance
i miss teammates. sigh. that was what i was thinking larh.
not that present company was not fun
just that the missing is like some physical ache.
lovelove!

took night rider back (do not trust ajit s sense of direction HAHA kidding)
reached back at 330
slept at 4
woke at 830
crap cannot sleep anymore
SIGH.
unlike some people who can sleep until 11
=_=
vacuumed my room and did my laundry! :D yay
then night was moomba in the city
hence another trip into the city
ate malaysian food! LOVELOVELOVE
chicken laksa
doesnt really taste like but who cares
anything closer to home is treasure
shyingshying s my new boyfriend (girlfriend?)
she s 180 in her platforms
which makes her taller than about 99.9% of the guys here
haha it was hilarious looking at her put her hands around ben and chinswee s shoulders!
HAHAHA. oops male pride...

ah well.
it was essentially a carnival with alot of games
and rides
haha no rides this time
not after luna park
but i did want to go on the inverter thing
haha i do think i became more daring once i came here
that day at luna park i went on the rollercoaster and the 360 inverters etc
which i have never done before
i went clubbing
i went into a casino
living alone (okay maybe not so alone) etcetcetc
ben and chinswee were so sweet
they went to play all the games
and won 4 huge stuffed toys
for the 4 of us who were with them
so touched larh haha
and now i have a scooby thats about 1 metre tall in my room
great. (:
haha but dont sad to those who dint win!
its alot of money to be spent playing
enjoy the adrenaline from playing!
fireworks were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
haha loud but oh so dazzling
mesmerized by the way they pop and suddenly "open up" into a flower of lights
they disappear so fast
a sudden burst of light and their gone
sigh. grab them while they lasts.

got back at 12 gah
had to cab back
cuz we missed the last bus by a long shot
SIGH and today lessons at 8
good job. haha.
about 10 hours of sleep in 2 days
this has got to stop.
next weekend is also maxed out
great.
homework doesnt even begin to come into the picture.

its so cold
that im contemplating wearing my winter coat
and hot showers are a luxury ahhhh
and my room heater isnt hot.
whee.
we ll see when winter comes.
ITS STILL SUMMER
WHY ARE THERE 12 TO 19 deg DAYS?!

whee and i want my threadless tees to come!
you ve got some splaining to do! heh.

the others are amazed i tell my mom that i go clubbing/moomba on sunday night
haha my mommy is not that strict larh
she nags yes
but i love her
and respect her
so i tell her?
does that make sense?
anyways she knows i ll be safe
and not go out alone(:

70% chocolate

2009-02-24T20:56:00.003+08:00

i realize that when ur alone in a foreign place
you become much more vulnerable
vulnerable to the slightest jibes
and sensitive to the slightest sliver of concern
and that scares me
because that means my emotions are even more dependent
on what others do
than usual

i think im having major mood swings
and freaking people out
never felt like this before
and it scares me

but it also allows me to see concern for me
chua
and all my meddies
warm and fuzzy inside
and im thankful
thanks for the concern!(:
and the light stick(:

i love the fact that skype and msn are FOC
WRT internet charges.
EVERYONE GET SKYPE AND ADD ME.
cuz i miss you.
reason enough?

true colours

2009-02-21T06:47:00.000+08:00

some people unintentionally hurt you
some people intentionally search for your weakness and your sore spots to hit
and thats what differentiates the b*tches and the others.
do you derive any pleasure out of hurting others?
and stop being so obvious about it.

Melbourne/Monash

2009-02-18T19:10:00.000+08:00

hey everyone(:
i got settled in alr(:
missing home and everyone already
and will be missing my daddy too!
he s flying back tmr
will be awfully homesick till im back with you guys and mommy again

kind of nice weather here
mornings and nights are chilly
and days are reaaaaaaaaally sunny
im running for shade everywhere
and shades totally come in handy

food is expensive
and doesnt really look appetizing to me
its like pizza fried stuff zichar pasta wraps and sandwiches
rah. haha i only feel like eating fruit these few days
and i cooked my own pasta meal yesterday~
hehe daddy said it was good
not just edible it was GOOD. yays
so im gonna cook for myself
hehe. (:

gonna start running thru the school compounds soon!
morning s rock(:
haaaaate noooon
from 10 to 5 its like.
baking time...
gah.

haha kind of feels different from the others
im just not much of a drinker and western food eater i guess
haha kind of feels out of place sometimes
i ll get over it
and i miss home.
AND CHUAXINYI YOUR LETTER MADE ME CRY.
I LOVE YOU.

gonna be a mugger once orientation ends.
gonna find a job(: yay.
CALL/SMS/MSN/EMAIL/SNAILMAIL MEEEEEEEE

LOVE IS

2009-02-14T14:34:00.003+08:00

love is... sitting next to you in perfectly comfortable silence

love is... laughing crying sharing all at the same time

love is... going shopping and trying all those clothes for you to see

love is... cooking for you

love is... you eating it no matter how bad it tastes

love is... singing our hearts out

love is... you knitting a scarf for me

love is... calling you and hearing your voice

love is... sharing a tub of blackforest icecream (GAH)

love is... camwhoring together

love is... looking at your back as you walk away and feel the tears in my eyes

love is... meeting you no matter how busy i am

love is... hanging out even though there are tonnes of work to do

love is... unquestioning

love is... unconditional

love means... you will be dearly missed.

15th 2345h T3 Changi Airport

2009-02-12T22:35:00.002+08:00

imminent departure makes everything more precious
time spent with mommy and daddy
time is just flowing through my fingers
before i know it i ll be leaving.
this morning woke up from a bad dream
dreamt that i was already leaving
the feeling really sucked
im going to flood changi on sunday cuz im gonna miss everyone
mommy daddy sometimes marui
aunties and uncles
teammates
batchmates
the lao ren gang
the Nut House
the Zlaffs
classmates
friends
even acquaintances

GAH.
imgonnabebackinjuly

my house the gambling den

2009-02-02T16:57:00.002+08:00

didnt expect so many people to turn up
all in all 11 people!
i think that kind of sets a record.
thank you so much people for coming(:
feels all warm and toasty inside :D
whee!
haha my mommy gave me an analysis of everyone after that
lol so amusing(:
and she was like
O_O ur friends really can eat.
HAHA 4 pizzas kfc family feast and 208570284502 dumplings omg
and they cleared the fridge of all drinks! HAHA.
123 photos. shall plaster them all around my room.
when i miss u guys.
reserve ur july for me!

in search of that smile

2009-01-30T23:50:00.002+08:00

whee so im either flying 14th/15th feb night
2345h
haha even im not sure when
i kind of hate krisflyer
or rather its like love-hate
grawr

teammates coming tmr :D
its either there not gonna be enough food
or there s gonna be too much food
and im gonna have to stuff it down their throats
wheeeeeeeeeeee

Nickelback- Gotta Be Somebody

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

2009-01-30T00:31:00.001+08:00

i think im PMSing
well i must be PMSing
nothing else explains this black mood.
i spent the whole day complaining
about this about that
i think i irritated quite a number of people
sorraye! sigh
i hate black days.
on the cheerful side(: new tanks!:D
and cardi!:D
and friends!:D:D:D
i like the swing(:
i wont let it get to me.

MAJUN GOT HAAAALLLLLLLLLLS

2009-01-24T21:21:00.001+08:00

thank you so much for worrying for me!
now majun got haaaaaallssssssss(:
hairpeeeeeeeee:D
yesterday when i got the offer
i couldnt help but want to tell everyone:D
thanks everyone who s offered me advice
and offered to let me bunk in (haha some more plausible than the others)
and offered couches
even offered me the lake with the giant squid (we think) that lives inside
(buy one get one free u see)
BUT MAJUN GOT HALLLLLLLLLLS:D
LOVELOVELOVE! THANKYOU EVERYONE WHO S BEEN WORRIED FOR MEEEEEEE
LOVE!
much happier now:D

2009-01-22T18:55:00.001+08:00

im freaking out
and there are still 2309840280273 things to do
WHY ME OF ALL PEOPLE
i want a room to call my own too
please give me hallllllllllllllllll
dunno whether to start crying
or just go hysterical
and what more
need to look/act normal
fine.

2009-01-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

Haley: Are you really in love with him or are you just in love with the idea of him?
Peyton: If I'm being honest, maybe a little bit of both.

2008 reflections?

2009-01-18T23:19:00.004+08:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
start work? it was a great experience and from what i gather from friends, its not that easy to get a job u like and have colleagues you grow to love. thanks just ed and everyone there(: adeline rena missqian lizhen peiling meiling regina enoch mrlai supeng engsoon kia mingming jialin yichiew manayemanayemore

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
haha i bet i missed out alot. and of course i ll make more for 2009. whether i keep them anot? well thats for me to know and NOT for you to find out.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
eh no leh. someone preeze give birth me like kids. its prolly time to bug my cousin to marry and give me nieces/nephews!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
thankfully no. *keeps everyone close*

5. What countries did you visit?
back to Dalian for me LOVE. i wish i could hold all my relatives around me. sigh and someday i know i ll go back again. cuz that place holds too much memories. memories that dont fade and that hit me everytime i visit again.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
more time spent with precious people. im guessing that ll be pretty hard since im leaving but no worries i ll be back(: wait for me!

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
some day in jan. cuz. well. yea cuz it changed my impression of you. a few years too late.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
learning to be stronger. to not cry at every small provocation. to be there for people when people need me.

9. What was your biggest failure?
to not be able to tell people what i truly feel. biggest regret ever.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
dunno? prolly not that significant.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my pinkie ipod! but now the memory space 's not enough alr. FAILED sigh. or my lovely skates(:

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
ohdear not able to think of one now.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
parents? sometimes.

14. Where did most of your money go?
OUT! too many outings.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
A level results? getting into Monash?

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
shan hu hai

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter?
*looks about* yea i think same =_=
iii. richer or poorer?
definitely poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
make more time for family and friends

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
slacking all the precious time away.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
went for renewal idol at thomas's church and felt the christmasy atmosphere. loved the performance! haha felt the urge to sing. oh and listened to the bicycle song (finally)

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
nope. hmm will it ever happen?

23. How many one night stands?
haha do you think im such a person?

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
宝莲灯 Lotus Lantern

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
nah

26. What was the best book you read?
Laughter in the Dark

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
that i cant play the organ anymooooore

28. What did you want and get?
ipod/skates

29. What did you want and not get?
NUS med

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
none actually

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
get various wellwishes from people i ve known 11 years and also from people i ve known all of 2 weeks. weird eh. 19. 20 soon! D':

32. Which one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
having a definite goal in mind

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
teeshirt-shorts-flippers to school

34. What kept you sane?
mooosic

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
my lee joon ki preeze

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
embezzlement. UGH.

37. Who did you miss?
quite alot of people. people i hvnt seen. relatives i will not see for ages. people who have flown.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
established many new friendships and im glad to say that they are all the best new people i would have hoped to meet. thanks people for being there.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
that if you dont work hard for what you want, you wont get it. it wont just drop for the sky. so start now and slug it out. keep the goal in mind. it keeps you sane.

2009-01-18T22:14:00.003+08:00

Rules must be followed:

Each blogger must post this rules.

Each blogger must start with ten random facts about themselves.

Bloggers that are tagged need to write about their own blog, ten things and post this rules.

Don’t forget to leave them comments telling them they have been tagged and are to read your blog.

10 Random Facts about me.

1. sleeps with a fat cat.

2. likes to sit on people's left.

3. a touchy kind of person.

4. PMS/have moodswings frequently.

5. I LIKE PRETTAYE BOYS.

6. am a proud paedophile.

7. LOVE WATCHING DRAMAS.

8. Sentimental freak.

9. am a crybaby; cries while watching mulan/listening to some songs.

10. is a facebook stalker (who isnt)

Q. Who’s the person that tagged you?

CHUA

Q. Relationship between you and her?

BELOVEDBELOVEDBELOVED

Q. Three impressions of her?

1. MAD
2. STALKER (esp wrt ahmei)
3. OH-SO-CUTE *PINCHPINCHPINCHPULLLL*

Q. If he becomes your enemy, you will?

oh no way. unless she plays ahmei cont nonstop into my ears. HAHA. too beloved to become enemy.

Q. What will you say to the person you like very much?

urm. nothing actually. HAHA most people would know that bout me.

Q. Characteristic i like about myself?

high? most of the time i guess. at least easy to get along with.

Q. Characteristic i hate about myself?

JUST TALK TALK TALK STOP KEEPING EVERYTHING TO YOURSELF

Q. For the person whom you hate, you say?

stayaway.

Q. What do people feel about you?

? shldnt they say this?

Q. Your crush?

lee joon ki/kim bum/oguri shun/etc. HAHA you know. :D
but seriously if i had i wont say (:

Pass this to 10 people:

1. Gao Yueqiu
2. Wang Xiuyi
3. Ming Xi
(some how u all have blogs but i dont know bout them haha)
4. KiaMian
5. Pings
6. Thomas (AIYA if i donch include them then noone to tag alr!!!)
7. Nigel
8. JennJiang
9. WeiZhen
10. Denise

Q. If 5 & 7 were together?

HAHAHAHAHAHA. no other comments. preeze tell me if that happens.

Q. who does 5 like?

MEMEME OF COURSE ME

Q. What colour does 9 like?

def not hot pink. green? ISITISIT?

Q. Say something about 8?

has *PINCHPINCHPINCH* cheeks HAHA. polo-er.

Q. Who is 2?

FRIENDS FOR 11 YEARS AND COUNTING. STOP HITTING ME and where is my blazer darling.

Q. Talk about 3.

also friends for 11 years and counting. actually more right? think classmates in primary 2 or something. sometimes im really glad for having u around. other times im amazed at how off frequency you are during conversation :D haha

Q. Who is 10’s best friend?

ME larh. HAHA. the NutHouse is recruiting! ask for details!

Q. Who’s the sexiest among all 10?

HAHA WEIZHEN! YESH go on show them :D and stop going for ** larh wahlao. thane is much better kk HAHA. cant believe we re still teasing u.

Q. What colour does 4 like?

GREEN/ORANGE

Q. Is 4 single?

naw she s fighting with me for my kim bum now D':

Q. Your relationship with 1.

and yet another 11 years and counting.

Q. Are 5 & 6 best friends?

can be considered bah! BUT THEY RE MINE BEST FRIENDS TOO :D

Q. 9’s surname?

LIM!!!

Q. 7’s nickname?

haha king or something right?

Q. Say something to 8.

watch your language!

Q. Say something to help 9.

just admit it. younger boys are cuter. esp when compared to **. AND TREAT ME TO ICECREAM CUZ I KNOW I LL BREAK UR HEART WHEN I LEAVE

Q. Who do i admire?

i guess pings bah for being so brave in the new environment and blending in so well :D will learn from her!

Q. Where does 1 live?

Jurong West! :D and i know 9th floor! (jiu lou~)

Q. 10 of them know who you like?

huh means? they all know i like them :D

Q. Say something to 6 when you see him.

HELLO FRIEND

Q. 10’s spouse?

HAHA i dunno!!! sianz. haha want to tell me?

2009-01-18T17:08:00.001+08:00

kangwen says (5:07 PM):
haha i think i better stop talking to my nus friends alr
kangwen says (5:07 PM):
the moment i talk to them
kangwen says (5:07 PM):
they go aussie
©~jUn²珺☆ 与其后悔没有做，不如做了再后悔 says (5:07 PM):
they change school
©~jUn²珺☆ 与其后悔没有做，不如做了再后悔 says (5:07 PM):
LOL
kangwen says (5:08 PM):
at this rate i go home
kangwen says (5:08 PM):
all in aussie alr
©~jUn²珺☆ 与其后悔没有做，不如做了再后悔 says (5:08 PM):
HAHAHA
kangwen says (5:08 PM):
riding kangaroos
kangwen says (5:08 PM):
bouncebounce

HAHA

2009-01-16T23:26:00.000+08:00

i look at the photos
and think bout how much i miss you
i look at the scenes
and think bout how much i miss you
so, all in all
how much do i really miss you?

pineappo :D

2009-01-16T17:32:00.001+08:00

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1 (32g) Recipe makes 50 servings
Calories 107
Calories from Fat 54		(50%)
Amount Per Serving		%DV
	Total Fat 6.1g	9%
	Saturated Fat 3.7g	18%
	Monounsaturated Fat 1.6g
	Polyunsaturated Fat 0.3g
	Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 26mg		8%
Sodium 33mg		1%
Potassium 26mg		0%
Total Carbohydrate 12.1g		4%
	Dietary Fiber 0.4g	1%
	Sugars 4.1g
Protein 1.4g		2%

http://www.recipezaar.com/Pineapple-Tarts-152749

anyone still wants?
i baked today.
:D hur.

went schkating :D
painintherear
it was SOOO slippery after the drizzle
and i had new wheels
wheeeee
skidandfall D': haha

PINEAPPOTARTBUNNIES :D:D:D
GO SEEEEEEEEEE:D
if ur tagged!! :D

majun got owned by a piece of taufoo

2009-01-12T10:25:00.002+08:00

D':
food poisoning for the past few days
dyingggggggggggg D':
hahaa i survived 48 hours on half a bowl of porridge.
or rather what was left inside after i puked.
euw.
not a very frequent experience for me i assure you.
just paralysed in my sofa and slept for 3 days straight.
now at least i can eat solid food without puking
and keep them in :D *beams*
but still wobbling around on jelly legs *wobble*
hur :D
extreme weight loss method. haha.
imagine if this keeps up for 1 month
okay shudders
but i bet anyone would look anorexic after that -____-
ouch.

i think bread no longer agrees with me...
...

what we did when 2009 arrived

2009-01-01T22:28:00.002+08:00

haha a countdown sounded so glamorous
but when 12 midnight came
only me xiaohui and wanpeng were there to clink glasses
and welcome the arrival of 2009
oh haha and with our BEST WAITER mitchell
and our BEST CHEFS randy and max(:
haha. so cute.
I DINT TAKE PHOTO OF NATASHA
AHHHHHHHHHHH

tired.

2nd day went ajit s house for cookout :D
ajiiiiiiiiiiiiit the diva has a divalicious room lol
ahaha prolly a goot thing to learn how to cook for yourself HAHA
judging by all the safety distances, screaming and the black-pepper-carrot-cake experiments HAHA
yayy the food was NICE in the end! :D:D:D
haha i shall really go learn how to cook dumplings from mommy (:
took ugh uber long to reach pasir ris for chalet

continued with:
... and what we did at chalet
eat sleep play mahjong laugh repeat cycle
:D and get presents :D:D:D
thanks chua for the shirt! haha got panda! :D:D:D
thanks pings for the shirt!
totally over coloured
now i cant wash it cuz the colour ll come off D':
sadded. i shld have used permanent marker. :D
haha decorated by dingdongbelles (not weizhen this time HAHA)
yay shld take a photo and upload :D:D:D
shall do so today or sth :D
the icecream SHOVEL :D
and the LONDON BUSSIE magnet :D
AND THE MINI CHUPACHUPS LOVEEE
hehe. :D

24 was zhai too! hahahah
best game to play lol :D:D:D
FIGHT FOR CARDS :D
lets do that again!!! (:
mahjong was hilarious
especially when wanpeng plays haha
all his chanting of lyrics~
his PONG !
his wo shi ji hao?
HAHA so amusing lol
abs training (:
and kahpoh too omg
haha watch the video for sneak peak :D

... and what I did after chalet:
upload videos to facebook D':
V V V V V V V V SLOOOOOOOW

castle of my own

2008-12-29T10:44:00.003+08:00

another one just like you
i realise i can pinpoint "your type" at a glance.
distinguishing characteristics i guess

anyway we had a successful class outing(:
:D yay. haha even tho weiwen melvin xiuwei couldnt come
but 8 people is a feat for a class who s class outings almost always never exceed 5 people :D
(: thanks edward for icecream :D haha
didnt realise how much i missed 79.
i miss having a class D':

cant help but feel left out.
yesterday on the train home
a thought popped into my mind
I WANTWANTWANT a library of my own
im going to work hard for my own castle
and to have a library in it
filled with pretty new books
i think new books feel soooo fresh dont u think?
and a uber cushy sofa so that i can kao and read on it all day long(:
wont mind if there s a mini fridge nearby either(:
my own castle :D
with my family around me
and with no cockroaches/frogs to kiss thankyou.

i like mango teafreeze :D

they ve probably seen me less than 3 times in my life
and vice versa
yet they remembered to send something to me
it makes this little corner of your heart feel warm and toasty inside (:
i would do that for my little nieces/nephews/grandnieces/grandnephews etcetcetc
yet the bad news is unavoidable.
why again?
why so many instances?
why my family?

totally disjointed thoughts.
oh wells.

我想...

2008-12-25T22:44:00.004+08:00

我想去海边吹着阵阵海风
我想去海边看日出日落
我想去海边捡贝壳
我想去动物园看长颈鹿
我想去很高很高的地方大声地唱梁静茹的＂爱你不是两三天＂
我想把所有的亲人，朋友都留在身边
我想找到一个比你好上一百倍，一千倍的人
我想...
我想做那么多东西
但却不一定都做得到

难道对你来说
朋友就只是与你共欢乐的人吗
当朋友有难时，
你又在哪里？
我有时真的在想
如果我有难，
会有几个人真心地来帮我呢？
到底有几个才是真心朋友？
有几个只是酒肉朋友？

为什么要把自己说的那么无辜，可怜？
难道事到如今，
你一丁点儿错都没有吗？
有时真的不知道怎么回答
到底什么是对什么是错
又有谁能确确实实的告诉我们呢？
灰色地带实在太多了

a picture tells a thousand words
那如果有我们的照片，
别人会在照片中
看到怎样的篇章呢？

好奇怪哦
这种感觉
又想念又难受
真是奇怪!
奇怪!!!

暖

2008-12-25T20:31:00.002+08:00

寻找着那种暖暖的感觉。

WILSON! tailors lol

2008-12-17T23:30:00.003+08:00

so touched that they would want to meet
so out of the way
just so that i could replace wilson(:
thanks guys
lovelove
HTHT kk(:
no more HBHB/HAHA
sooooo sweet(:
tho everyone was late *waggles finger*
haha.

AAAAAAAH
QUARANTINE/RECORD
IS HORRIGIBLE D':!

company was gooot(:
foood was even bettaa(:

conversation + games was da best.

BLADES OF GLORY
WE WATCHED THAT AGAIN LOL(:

"the nights are dark for me"
"the nights are dark for everyone you moron"
when that movie was playing
all i could think about was
I MISS PINGS!

隐私

2008-12-17T10:39:00.001+08:00

爱你是我心深处的隐私
不求你心中为我留个好位置
许我自私一次不计所有真挚
爱恋不会因为时间任它隐隐地消失

心里头藏着一些话语
难以对你启齿
说不说该如何把持
我这些莫名的心事
究竟是何时开始
找不到安心的解释

为何我明明爱上了你
爱慕不能停止
我却要装作不在意
爱苦不堪言地压抑
只怕你若既若离
守不住禁锢我的秘密
其实爱你是我心深处的隐私
惊动你一眼看穿我所有相思
哪怕只有一次你的深情注视
从今后创造一个美丽的开始

如果爱你是我心深处的隐私
不求你心中为我留个好位置
许我自私一次不计所有真挚
爱恋不会因为时间任它隐隐地消失

最后还是回到了这首歌
哈哈
真是可悲

2008-12-16T23:31:00.002+08:00

actually
i realised
NOT SO MUCH ANYMORE!
congratulates myself.
how much longer
before

okay nvn its back.

the sun shines for my cheerful boy.
loves.

training camp(:

2008-12-16T22:14:00.004+08:00

feels great to have your muscles screaming in protest (:
lovelove. and today was slack but fun:D
would have wanted to play randori tho. D': nohave D':
sigh now im aching EVERYWHERE
and have like urm countless orhcehs D':
sigh.
haha majun has zero hand-eye-leg co-ordination(:
and she is proud of that fact lol hur
cuz the hongkong coach was trying to improve reflexes etc
haha majun faaaaails D':
i got niaoed by chejian luh SIGH
haha.

buttache D':
how come noone has them from cycling/circles?!

majun is on thrift mode
DONT LET HER SPEND MONIES

basically my days are packed D':
even after missing (ponning) work
whatever happened to days for slacking?

its all your fault.

2008-12-16T00:38:00.002+08:00

不要再在我面前出现
不要再在我心里挑起现涟漪

obvious

2008-12-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

it always doesnt do to be so obvious.
and i realise i tend to notice

sooooo obvious
makes it awkward

i always avoid being obvious
so much so that i think it makes it more obvious
HAHA
sigh weirds.

i want a monash castle
with my own drafty towers and moats galore
with a handsome tallie prince
and my own fire place :D

violent love

2008-12-13T00:03:00.003+08:00

":P
u know u love me
don't deny your true feelings!!!
ehhhh
don't go to australia leh
i'll smack you
until you're unconscious then u can't go
YES
this is called a violent relationship
violence out of love
=D
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo
ok lahi don't be violent with you yet
it's because i wuv you mah"

-_____________- haha nice try dear
judging from the viciousness of the tone
prolly everyone knows who my "secret" admirer is lol

byebye wilson D':

2008-12-12T13:53:00.003+08:00

sigh said byebye to wilson at sentosa
who was the one who scratched him?
but anyways
that was an end to um 4+ years of friendship~
sigh haha will miss wilson!
i bet many will miss him too!
like xich kia cher suui
saaaad D':

and majun dint manage to get hall accommodation D':
will find other ways
or we ll just um sleep by the lake :D
haha times like this make me realise how sweet these people are
thanks mommygoose yowie matthew feli sherman roy :D
*tears*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUA LOVELOVELOVE
i still have the loveletter/card from J1 u wrote
LOVELOVELOVE!
go KBOX kk! :D
i ll let you sing ahmei.
i think.

the one before

2008-12-11T17:33:00.002+08:00

suddenly it dawned on me that
all this while,
i ve been forming an image of you in my mind
i ve merely been accustomed to that image of you i had
and not known the real you
maybe it can even be said
that i dont know you at all
as you changed
the image i had of you dint really change,
its been stagnant for so long
i think it no longer bears any resemblance to you.
its just a character formed from my fantasy and memories now.
wow.

haha bit astonishing to realize just now
its been so long
what happened to the original you i know?
lost somewhere while growing up.

how to find back the one before?

2008-12-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

ISNT THIS THE CUTEST EVER!?
get me a chowchow please?
prettypleasewithacherryontop?

flurry of activities

2008-12-03T13:35:00.002+08:00

yep i held true to my promise
and have been out everyday.
E V E R Y D A Y
im so tired of being out.
cwap. haha

friday night sleepover at chua s house
saturday watch doraemon, teach tuition and SLEEEEEEEP
sunday trng and went PS with peijin yongkeong wanpeng
haha the two of them really 混不下去 in PS alr. lol.
14 cups of starbucks ohyea.
haha but its really fun talking to them :D
and RABBIT IS SHOCUTE :D:D:D
and so is her brother!!!!
huggywuggy. :D haha

monday "ponned" work :D
haha met up with year 0 meddies at kallang:D:D:D
ICESCHKATING & PRAWNING :D:D:D haha
me roy kevin and ajit were early
so we went there earlier
and ended up in the arcade:D haha
"majun and the little boys"
its so amusing to see them go starry-eyed at all the games around
played the game where u zham plastic balls at the random creatures that pop up on the screen haha sooo cute!
DONT KILL THE BIRDIES!!! :D

iceschkating was funfunfun too:D haha
after feli & feli funny and sherman reached
the 2 hours was totally spiced up by kevin&ajit
(their names belong together :P)
kevin and his dancing queen moves
and ajit with his amazing arm power hahaha
twirltwirltwirl:D
and some people soooo sweet
hold hands and skate around
right funny? :D:D:D allies!!! :D:D
ahah. *prepares to X_X*

we finally went prawning:D
much to roy s delight :D haha
we packed everyone into kevin s car
LOL and this time we really
"foldfold people put into carboot"
HAHA not amanda but lol
sherman & ajit hahaha
the two of them look so snug behind :D hehe
im sorry feli:D
soo cool haha

prawning was totally the highlight haha
what with SOME people's reactions.
thanks sensei roy! haha
everyone caught a prawnie:D:D:D
EVEN ME!!!:D:D:D congratulate me haha.
classic moments of the night:
1. kevins chair flipping
2. "TEMPURATEMPURATEMPURA"
3. "im NOT scared of you" (to the prawns)
4. *prawn jerks* SCREAMSCREAMSCREAM
5. the widdle girl staring up at kevin's reaction HAHA.
all in all funfunfun thanks everyone:D

went for work for the first time on tues:D
hehe yay i really like being the youngest around
dunno just like the feeling that there are people looking out for you
looking after you.
i just like the being pampered feeling haha.
sorry.
both uncles are super cute:D
haha uncle victor calls me miss ma D':
sooo weird haha
and uncle david treated me to lunch :D:D:D
there is such thing as a free lunch :D hehe.
nothing much to do tho
haha address christmas cards *majun shrivels up and dies*
100 X "if undelievered please return to... "
faint-

went to matthew's house for the senior-cum-junior meeting:D
his house is really 10 m from thomson plaza
(yea i can totally hear him: its 10 metres, TEN METRES!!! how can you not find it?!)
haha we got out numbered D':
and the seniors are sooo nice :D
and the tour of the house is like O_O his house is like some museum
LOVES the acrylic painting in the living room and the nice antique qipao-ish dress that was framed up.
"old people's clothes" (according to xuanqi HAHA)
dint really manage to talk to alot of the seniors
but the ones i talked to were really really nice :D
guitar playing~~~ haha
"everyone s talented in some way
but some are just more talented than others"

whee
think my first impression of many people are changing
not just changing
they re defeating my first impression of them!
haha feli.tan kevin ajit (it was because of the dynamite thingie) rilong (HAHAHA FIRST IMPRESSION GONEEE)
and i ll say this too
IM REALLY THANKFUL FOR FELI.CHUA
even tho i always complain that im her punching bag/poking/pillow
im really really thankful i have her
if not there ll be ALOT less laughter
for the nxt 5 years and beyond
love~

wow! conversations.

2008-11-30T23:04:00.003+08:00

| ĴāĊ | i love rusty!! | says :
haha i never even touch the hc swimming pool at all
amanda says:
me too
amanda says:
except to use the shower room
| ĴāĊ | i love rusty!! | says:
me too!!
©~jUn²珺☆ 珍惜眼前人 says:
ME TREE!
amanda says :
me flower
amanda says :
HAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!
ZHENFA! Mongol [Champions] yk says :
o.O
©~jUn²珺☆ 珍惜眼前人 says :
u dirt
amanda says :
LOL!
amanda says :
kahpoh: you frog
©~jUn²珺☆ 珍惜眼前人 says :
him dirty
amanda says :
HAHAAA!
©~jUn²珺☆ 珍惜眼前人 says :
HAHAHA AMUSING
LOL
amanda says :
we are all very nature ppl
©~jUn²珺☆ 珍惜眼前人 says :
wow mandy ur english powderful

嗨

2008-11-30T20:38:00.003+08:00

嗨
现下天天玩乐
有没有收入
花钱如流水之际
钱包中已空空如也
看了真的还是挺难受
想想下个星期
又要出去玩乐
又溜冰
又唱歌
嗨
可怜的钱包

不想再做那无知的小女孩
上当受骗了
何时才能学个乖
变聪明变机灵呢？

想也不是
忘也不能
真是受不了
气死我了！

还是珍惜眼前人重要吧
想想自己只有区区两个多月
便要"离乡背井"
离开住了十四年的新加坡
到另一个炯然不动的陌生地方读书
心里其实真的挺害怕的
再说这一走便是九个月
到了那个陌生的环境
又没有家人，熟人
肯定更加寂寞难熬
嗨
见不到家人
见不到朋友 D:
*heartbreak*

Mahjong :D

2008-11-29T20:35:00.004+08:00

haha stayover was funfunfun :D
went BTM to eat dinner
cuz yk got held up in camp
ended up being me pj mandy and her parents haha so cute

whee :D see chua :D:D:D
important announcement to be made:
MAJUN KNOWS HOW TO PLAY MAHJONG:D
after much complaining (on my part)
and much dragging (on their part)
MAJUN KNOWS HOW TO PLAY :D
haha
but i seriously dunno if i ve won or what
just anyhow play :D whee

and we were treated to another
of yongkeong&his"free-ing" talks haha

930 in the morning
chua s sister bounced out of bed
to watch
doraemon.
stun
HAHAHA
but its quite cute
i think her sis really quite cute
I WANT AN OLDER SIBLING
TRADE MY BROTHER?

watch made of honour :D:D:D

cwap
i got into the "show u care initiative"
and i think i know noone there
ULTIMATE HEARTBREAK haha.
feli s fault D':

tommy,
why so possessive?
lol.

:D

2008-11-28T17:42:00.002+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :D
AND IM GOING OUUUUUUUUUUUT :D
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY:D
hur :D

D':

2008-11-24T22:24:00.001+08:00

Kiss the Cook says:
we played "guess the jc" and concluded u were from kindergarten

HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THE NXT 5 YEARS?!
D':

UBERKUEH

2008-11-22T19:01:00.000+08:00

HAHA YEA cuz rumrumyraisin sure win!
im sick of school.
lets run away together:D

2008-11-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter,
but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry.~Cat Stevens

2008-11-21T20:11:00.003+08:00

well
rnt u sick of bragging?
i mean
im sick of just hearing you brag.

whats up with all these people
ditto the seriously inflated egos?
where do you get SO MUCH wind to inflate that ego of yours
i ll want to know.
we can fill so many balloons from it
and go give out to all the kiddies on the streets.

yea i know.
that was random.
SHOOT ME

2nd chance

2008-11-20T14:08:00.004+08:00

today s the release of PSLE results
once again
im struck by how well-off i am
thus far in my studies
hvnt really met with any troubles
psle, o levels, a levels have all breezed past
but there are many struggling out there
trying to do well
i can see how hard she worked for her results
but in the end...
well i have to say that
the world really isnt fair
maybe we should just all subscribe to the marxism school of thought
and live as the smurfs do.
i dunno.
sigh it must be crushing.

its time to wake up
and treasure what i ve got
instead of lamenting over what i dont have
i ve been given a second chance,
lets not let it waste away.

thanks for letting me realize.

PSLE is kind of cruel
i rmbr the sleepless night before that
i rmbr all the horrible thoughts of failing PSLE
and not being able to go into secondary school
i rmbr on the way to get my results
the butterflies in my stomach
i rmbr zoning out during the talk before that
imagine that kind of stress on someone only 12 years of age.
how cruel
why is academic results so stressed in this day and time
when grades dont mean so much anymore?
people keep telling us grades dont matter
but grades do.
u want a scholarship?
they select you based on grades first
you want to get into this school?
get the conditional grades.
so who says grades dont matter?

the few people who re able to make their own way in this world
without a full education
are exceptional.
even more than those with CAP 5.0

ugh.
pre-exam stress
even though i know its not going to matter
but grandma willow s at the back of my mind
telling me that i need to shoulder my way thru my essay as well
UGH.

just walk

2008-11-19T22:37:00.002+08:00

i wonder how ll it be like
if you just walked around singapore city at night
until the sun rises?
to see the sights and sounds of the city at night
memorize each line and each sound
keep them in your heart
that day when we just walked after dinner
i thot it ll be wonderful to just walk just talk just dont stop
sigh too bad for my cinderella curfew hur

and tt day was quite stupid! haha
went all the way to clarke quay to eat burger king hur
cuz everything else was like uber full
and discuss the 两只老虎 vs the zoo worker
两只老虎
两只老虎
跑的快
跑的快
in this case not just 跑的快,
袭击得也快！
then walked into starbucks and saw kahpoh chenhuio kahleng
with a profusion of cake :D
hahaha! so qiao! :D
after that just loitered around
walk walk walk
dont wanna go home~ haha
and cuz we were dressed liddat
wanpeng and thomas were saying
all the clubs/restaurants ignored the 3 of us
HAHA which was absolutely true
wanpeng with his ocs shorts/sports shoes
and tommy with his tee/khakis
so amusing! haha they were so pointedly ignoring us
but i thot we looked quite cool!
we were calmly sipping starbucks as we walked leh~
不识货!

lets go again
people go for night cycling
lets go for night walking :D

randomness.
i want to go k!
today adeline asked me!
but must resist temptation until until until 28th!
haha from then on its :D :D :D

-teammates chalet
-mahjong (my house? somewhere else?)
-iceskating with meddies
-glasshouse with meddies
-sentosa chalet
-K with just ed ppl
-K with giraffes
-outings to ECP! with ultimate org!

absence makes the heart grow fonder

2008-11-19T22:13:00.002+08:00

cant help but look forward to seeing giraffes again on friday :D
i ve taken to naming us giraffes
because of our obsession with drawing giraffes :D haha
few weeks ago,
couldnt help but wish to see the last of the giraffes
so that the mod (and the workload) would end!
but now missing them and our writing lessons horribly!
D': haha esp the "bimbo" gang
consisting (most of the time, tho everyone joins in)
christine shinjung and minxun :D
hahaha.
okay :D more people go okay! :D
in chatter :D

IDP sucks D':
i want my blood test!!! D':

2008-11-19T15:04:00.002+08:00

http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=HHZBfgoOzBM

GO WATCH! HAHA
the conductor is SO CUTE!
i just love watching these people play
dont you think?

lovelovelove!

ode to my essay D:

2008-11-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

i thought i dealt pretty well with cartoons
i mean
at least i got a decent thesis that was arguable
and had close reading to say the least.
then you had to add le*p*ld and p*llan into the equation
and things started getting messy.

now
p*llan and le*p*ld stand there arguing among themselves,
grandma willow smirking in the background
and majun looking on helplessly
trying to take down minutes of what is happening.
WOULD THEY PLEASE ORGANISE AND MAKE SENSE
sigh they should just fight physically instead of verbally.

no disrespect meant to either great author
but just angsty trying to arrange out my essay.
SIGH.
would my ideas just ARRANGE THEMSELVES?!

2008-11-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

ugh
need to be there on the 16th feb
leaving most prob on 14th feb sat
D':

mixed feelings

2008-11-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

today joseph asked me
whether im excited bout aus
well i guess i am
the thought of being able to study med
overseas somemore
but also pretty terrified at the thought of being away from home
being away from all that i love
to miss my family and friends so much
im prolly a person who will die of loneliness if left alone D:

its reassuring to know that i get along okay with these people
who re going tog.
like i told david and feli
im really really glad for the company
and the GOOD NATURED HUMOUR
(which is slightly getting lost on me)
everyone will have their worries and anticipations
bout going over
but its great to be part of such a huge group
with future classmates and snrs alike
that its slightly less scary
but.
i guess its just different.
sigh.

i guess im just a very scared little girl now.

what will i do when i miss teammates?
when i miss the LRG?
when i miss my giraffe class?
when i miss my mommy daddy and brother?

i hate being a cry-baby.

who will be my "sunshine" then?

知难而退

2008-11-08T21:46:00.004+08:00

当你处处碰钉子时,
该是时候放弃了
还是找点别的事情做吧!

终于写完了我的两千字论文/作文
实在是呕心沥血的写作
写了一整天,
到头来其实还是不明白自己写了些什么
唉算了吧,
就不是写作的那一块料!

你不是真正的快乐
你的快乐是你穿的保护色

那我的保护色会是什么颜色?

im going to sit in a corner and twiddle my thumbs.

going to miss UWC2101T so much
its so sudden
UWC2101T is at an end.
grown so close to everyone in the class
so fun just to talk crap
laugh at people
get laughed at for suggesting "friendly buddies are jaw-dropping"
and laugh some more at "why not wear blue? blue is WATER~"
eat dinner together,
spending most of the time
trying not to spit on the person opp you
laughing is good for the soul
how to calculate how much i ll miss you guys?
and our giraffes

2008-11-08T11:02:00.001+08:00

COUNTING DOWN: 13 HOURS
1028 WORDS
AND I NO LONGER KNOW WHAT IM WRITING ABOUT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

怎样才会是真正的快乐？

2008-11-07T11:52:00.001+08:00

你不是真正的快乐-五月天

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了

你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔着

你值得真正的快乐你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻重新开始活着

DATE!

2008-11-06T20:58:00.002+08:00

i have a ticket.
tentatively 19th feb 2008.
2340hrs.
now it seems so real.
and i cant seem to shake off the panic signals.
how to spend 10 months away?
at least there are people to panic with.
3 months and 13 days.
enough?

friends

2008-11-03T21:22:00.005+08:00

somedays i feel so lonely and bored
like hmm i dont have many friends do i
tonight the sudden influx of IMs make me feel so
受宠若惊 all of a sudden.
im just the type of person who craves attention and having people around
sigh.
but talking and having fun totally lightens my mood(:
thanks peeps(:
(at least i nv call u all toots :D)

hvnt blogged in ages
tt day went out with the monash meddies
whee the people are so cute(:
lifted a huge weight off my chest
i was soooo scared i wont get along with them
but spent the entire time laughing and joking(:
yeay. loves.

all i want for christmas is...
actually i dont know?
someone enlighten me please.

K BOX KK
JUST ED PEEPS
TELL ME WHEN UR FREE
I SHALL ORG!!! MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL THIS TIME!
tt day me and adeline were saying how much we miss mr lai
haha cuz now noone to send us home after K
must depend on ken's zigzag driving
sian nxt year when he s back i ll be gone~

MUSCLE ACHES FEEL SHUANG(:
nagenokata:D

all these people(:
make lessons so much brighter

amono the horrigible slab of meat
(she chose it herself dont ask me why)
amanda low the vestigial/dumpy
calvin the se peipei
charlene the fruit monster
tongchong the scary black head
~~kimchi~~ jingtsong the kimchi
chunkeat the sushi
reuben the fish&chip
christine the bimbo-with-random-normal-moments
minxun the GLOBALWOBBLE?
yusong the its-just-5%!
shinjung the spittee
eddie the scary mugger (haha)
marvin the "dont-stress"
eunice the stressed
manjun the other MJ(:
cherlyn the astonished (haha i love her astonished expression)
yuanyi the pro-designer
mark and jahbar the other other MJ(:

thanks people(:

2008-10-29T11:59:00.001+08:00

randomly remembered
that day SUNNY made my day(:
i was totally grumpy
stomping my way into the lib
then out came sunny
and brightened my day with his sunny grin
HAHA so cuteeeeeee
totally random

erythromycin sucks.
need something else sunny (not the person luh)
sigh.

传说

2008-10-27T15:12:00.003+08:00

刘:宇宙洪荒那时候
第一句爱是谁说出口
当时的他如何形容
对方听懂不懂

林:开天辟地了以后
第一对恋人什么结果
洞穴湖泊日升月落
他们爱了多久

林:如果我们那时就相遇
会不会爱得比较放心
林刘:也许分离还没被发明
来折磨爱情

林:一千次轮回都不错过
刘:一万里相随都不放手
林刘:在每个尽头再约好碰头
再睁开眼就认出你我

刘:一千次轮回足不足够
林:一万里漂泊又算什么
林刘:这人海辽阔爱总被蹉跎
总该留一篇传说

刘:宇宙洪荒那时候
第一句爱是谁说出口
当时的他如何形容
对方听懂不懂

林:开天辟地了以后
第一对恋人什么结果
洞穴湖泊日升月落
他们爱了多久

林:如果我们那时就相遇
会不会爱得比较放心
林刘:也许分离还没被发明
来折磨爱情

林:一千次轮回都不错过
刘:一万里相随都不放手
林刘:在每个尽头再约好碰头
再睁开眼就认出你我

刘:一千次轮回足不足够
林:一万里漂泊又算什么
林刘:这人海辽阔爱总被蹉跎
总该留一篇传说

林刘:我会尽我全力抵抗时间的侵袭
不停的爱你 hoho......

林:一千次轮回都不错过
刘:一万里相随都不放手
林刘:在每个尽头再约好碰头
再睁开眼就认出你我

刘:一千次轮回足不足够
林:一万里漂泊又算什么
林刘:这人海辽阔爱总被蹉跎
总该留一篇传说

刘:oh 还好我有你
刘:幸好你有我
林刘:一起写一篇传说

听着歌词
真的不知道说他们天真
还是骂他们愚昧的好...
但是想想
歌词虽天真,充满幻想,
但自己的思想又何尝不是呢?
不仅为他们可惜,怜惜
也想伸出援手帮他们一把
这首歌听了之后，
心中隐隐作痛，
感受得到歌词在脑海中久久不散。

2008-10-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

问世间，
情是何物，
直教生死相许？
天南地北双飞客，
老翅几回寒暑？
欢乐趣，
离别苦，
就中更有痴儿女。
君应有语，
渺万里层云，
千山暮雪，
只影向谁去？

2008-10-21T22:41:00.003+08:00

well
i dont mind telling people im going overseas
but
dunno isnt it a personal choice to tell people about these thing?
i dont mind sharing with people im rather close with
but i dont see why i need to tell people im merely acquainted with
i ve known u all of 3 weeks?
so who are you to help me spread this news?
and why do you see the need to spread this news?
hmph.

YAY mx recruited me
for FOP(: whee
haha i shall help out
(and have just as much fun)
as poss!(: WHEE

stuck on lin fan s version of colors of the wind
prolly interesting to do a unit 3 on that right(:
whee.

2008-10-19T21:30:00.001+08:00

仪琳轻轻叹息，说道：“哑婆婆，爹爹不明白我，仪和、仪清师姊她们也不明白我。我想念令狐大哥，只是忘不了他，我明知道这是不应该的。

两人死也好，活也好，既已有了两心如一的此刻，便已心满意足，眼前这一刻便是天长地久，纵然天崩地裂，这一刻也已拿不去、销不掉了。

wah

bone tired

2008-10-19T20:26:00.002+08:00

super tired
the beginnings
or rather
the on-goings
of being sick
not that im complaining
can i just fall sick for the rest of nxt week?(:
pretty please?

flyflyfly? D:

if i fly
i will have to bring
(on top of the usual books clothes toiletries etc):
1. feimao
2. photoalbum
3. lou
4. elmonster
5. skates
6. gi???
7. my bed sheet
8. my fave books
9. my bags
10. autograph book
(when i rmbr to get one)
11. EVERYONE
how to pack that under 40 kg?
no wonder yihans luggage 57kg
and thats w/o stuff toys i think (hope)
can dapao people over?
jenn swim le luh lol.

童年的时光机

2008-10-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

那童年的希望是一台时光机
我可以一路开心到底都不换季
带竹蜻蜓穿过那森林
打开了任意门找到你一起旅行
那童年的希望是一台时光机
给我放罐罐的糖糖你味道熟悉
所有回忆在夏天的口袋里
一起荡秋千的梦境

brings to mind such a pretty image.
sigh.

needs to let go completely
and do something mad
or totally unlike me
WHEE
any suggestions?(:
haha

LIKES PHOTOHUNT(:
today was zhai tho
so many people came(:
see when majun invite
EVERYONE COMES(: WHEE

love me :D

jealous.